Where Did It Go Wrong
by Cheshire's Chipped Cup
Summary: When Kate and Rick get trapped in the elevator, and Kate spills a deep dark secret, will Castle really be able to let it go or will it tear them apart? And if things do sort themselves out, what impact will events have on their relationship when Kate gets a new partner? Rated T for later, and possibly M, haven't decided yet.
1. It's An Old Elevator

_**Ok, so I am back, but I am not back with Buffy, sorry to say I have moved on from that. I will hopefully one day finish off the stories I started there, but until I find a cure for my Buffy-Block I will be writing Castle fics cos seriously Castle is just so much better. *Mentally slaps herself for saying that* You know its true though. Anyway, I ran out of little books to write my stories in so I just started writing in Word and this is what happened. **_

___**This is based in season 4 a little after episode 9, Kill Shot, and basically its a one-shot that grew into a story.**_

"You ready to go, Castle?"

The smile on his face was all the confirmation she needed as they both grabbed their coats and headed towards the elevator. They had closed another case together and now it was time for a celebratory dinner at Remy's, because in the life of a cop and a writer-tag-along-playing-cop a burger and shake at Remy's was an excellent way to celebrate. Castle followed behind the detective with his usual bright smile on his face, he loved this part of a case when they got to sit down to a meal together and stop being a cop and a writer and just be two people having a good time together, just two good friends.

Beckett held the elevator door open for her partner and smiled with humour as he slipped smoothly inside the metal box. She hit the button for the ground floor and stepped back, her coat was draped over her linked hands as they rested against her abdomen, with her bag hanging from her shoulder. She was wearing one of her favourite black turtlenecks with a grey pair of work pants. Her chocolate brown curls were tied back in a bun but she had no doubt that they would come out before the end of dinner. Castle was wearing his usual work style, a nice grey-blue shirt with dark navy pants and jacket, thinly striped in grey. She liked it when he wore blue, it brought out the blue in his eyes so well...not that she had noticed that sort of thing. A faint blush threatened to heat her cheeks so she cleared her throat and tried to start a conversation to keep her mind away from intense blue eyes and ruggedly handsome authors.

"So, is it my turn to pay this time or yours? I can't remember, when was the last time we had dinner at Remy's?" She leaned back against the wall of the elevator and cast her eyes up at the numbers lighting up as they passed by the floor.

"I remember the meal, but I can't remember who paid either, never mind though, my shout."

"Castle, I can afford to pay for a meal at Remy's."

"So then you can pay next time." He gave her a smug smile at his logic and she just rolled her eyes; trying to fight back the smile that wanted to cross her face as well.

She was about to bring up the topic of the holidays that were coming up, when the elevator shuddered to a stop. Shock and fear covered both of their faces when the elevator shuddered again and then it dropped. They were tossed around the metal box as it dropped fast and then stopped suddenly. Beckett groaned, rubbing her neck in pain, she had been thrown against the wall and she was sure that tomorrow she was going to wake up to a nice big bruise on her shoulder, an ache in her neck and a little pain in her ankle as she had twisted it when she fell. It wasn't too bad overall, it was just a twist, it wasn't sprained or anything it would heal soon and she wouldn't have to be assigned to paperwork for a week.

"Ow, hey Castle, are you ok? You hurt?" She asked, her eyes were closed as she tried to fight the pain in her arm, neck and leg. When she didn't hear an immediate response from her partner, she opened her eyes to check on him, but she found that the lights had gone out. "Castle? Are you ok? Can you see anything?"

Silence settled in again and she started to panic. She crawled around on the floor, sweeping her hands from side to side until they bumped into a solid form. She moved closer to him and tried to get his attention. "Castle? Castle, wake up, come on, don't mess with me." She hoped he was just messing with her, but when her hand ran over his head and she felt a hot sticky liquid touch her fingers, she knew it wasn't a joke.

Kate reached around to find her coat and bag and she dug out a torch, she switched it on and pointed it at Rick, gasping at what she saw. He was out cold on the elevator floor with blood trickling down his forehead. He had smacked his head into the wall when he fell, pointing the torch up she could see the smudge of blood on the wall. She dropped the torch on the floor, making sure it was pointed at his head and she tried to examine the wound. It wasn't really that bad, the force had broken the skin and there was a little blood, but it didn't look like there was any other damage. But the sight of the red on his face while his eyes were closed and he wasn't moving horrified her. What if there was more damage that she just couldn't see? What if he had slammed his head harder than she thought? What if he didn't wake up?

"Castle, come on, don't do this, you need to wake up! Come on, give me something, just a word or a sound, come on."

She looked up at the ceiling and yelled as loud as she could. "Help! Anybody? Help please!" She had no idea where the elevator had stopped, whether they were close enough to one of the floors to get out if they could get the doors open or if they would have to wait for the fire department to come and cut them out of here. She pulled out her mobile phone and groaned in annoyance. When she had fallen, she had landed on her phone, breaking the damn thing. This was unbelievable, she tried to turn it on and make it work but it was clear the thing was dead. She threw it violently at the wall, screaming with anger through gritted teeth. She tried to listen out for someone calling to her, there had to be someone still here at this hour.

If it wasn't for her stupid phone...she looked down at Castle and decided it was worth it. She slipped her hand into his jacket and pulled out his phone. Waking it up, she ignored the request for a four digit code and hit 'emergency call'. She typed in the precinct's number and waited for someone to pick up. When she heard a voice on the other end, she sighed with relief as recognition hit her.

"Esposito, hey, can you get maintenance up here? I'm trapped in the elevator." She had thought that he had already gone home, but thankfully she had been wrong.

"Oh, is that what that was? I thought it was a truck or something, sorry, wasn't really paying much attention, I was on the phone with Lanie."

"Look, while I think its ok for now, Castle is trapped in here too, he's out cold with a bump on his forehead and blood on his face, could you please find a way to get us out of here as soon as possible?"

"What? Ok, standby, I'll call it in and get you guys out. Just keep me posted on his condition, ok? How serious is it?" She could hear things clicking and tapping in the background, he was using another phone to make the call to maintenance and possibly an ambulance.

"I have no idea, the lights are out, all I have is a flash light, a broken phone and an unconscious writer on the floor with blood on his face so can you please move it!" She didn't mean to bully him, but every second that her partner failed to wake up was making her more and more terrified.

"I'm moving as fast as I can, calm down. He is gonna be alright, now I gotta hang up on you ok? I'll make sure we get you guys out of there as fast as possible."

"Reckon you could make it a little faster than that? I don't think the elevator is exactly secure, here, it might just be me being paranoid but I think it just moVED! Jeez! This thing is not stable!" She couldn't stop the pitch of her voice jumping up an octave as the elevator dropped a little and stopped again.

"I'm working on it, just hang on tight, I gotta go now." He hung up.

Kate gritted her teeth together as she dropped the phone down by her bag and coat. "Hold on tight to _what_?"

_**The next chapter should be up in...a few minutes, so sit tight. Let me know what you think, this is the first Castle fic I have ever published so healthy critisism is welcome.**_


	2. Breaking Down Those Walls

_**So here is the next chapter, told you it wouldn't take long. Please excuse my slightly bizarre writing style, just trying out something new but it looks like its making the paragraphs look a little weird, I'll figure it out soon enough. In the mean time, enjoy!**_

An hour passed and nothing had happened, the elevator hadn't moved any further and Esposito hadn't called back. Kate checked her watch, it was nearly 10pm and she was trying to ignore how hungry she was getting. Usually she could handle it, forget about it for a few hours, run purely on caffeine, but after thinking about the burgers she was about to have and saving a little room for that shake she had been planning to get, her stomach was beginning to growl at her. She was bored, she was hungry, she was freaking out about her still unconscious partner and she was cold. She had pulled her coat on but at this hour, with next to no one in the precinct, they had turned the heating off.

She was sitting in the corner beside Rick with her arms wrapped around her tightly, if it got any colder she would have to say it was freezing and she knew where her mind went when she was freezing. She didn't want to get there, she didn't want to let herself think about being trapped in that freezer, wrapped up in Castle's arms as they slowly slipped away. She had slipped first, but he had woken up last and there was no way to describe how scared she was when she was standing there waiting for him to open his eyes. If he had died trying to save her life...she wouldn't be able to handle that.

She did it, she let herself get there, and without thinking about it she reached out and grabbed Rick's hand, squeezing it tightly for comfort. Even though he couldn't give comfort back, just holding his hand was making her feel a little better, just knowing that he was there even if he was asleep. Because that was it, he was just asleep, he hit his head and now he was just being lazy and childish trying to sleep in on a Saturday morning...she had to keep telling herself that or she was going to lose it again.

"Ow...I know that holding my hand is a dream come true for you, but I would really like to keep the blood circulating." His voice was low and quiet, but it was enough to make Kate almost leap into the air with joy.

She sucked in a deep shaky breath and rested her head back against the wall. It felt like something had been gripping her heart tightly and at the sound of his voice it had suddenly let go. Her free hand shot to her chest, covering her scar as it pulled painfully at the sudden movement. She continued to breathe heavily while fighting back tears of relief. After sitting here for so long in the dark, no movement from him at all, her mind had begun to start believing that it was a possibility that he might actually be dead. She wanted to slap him across the face now for scaring her so much.

She didn't register what he had said and ended up holding on tighter. "Ow! Wow, that is some grip! Could you just...just a little bit please?" He whimpered and she immediately let go.

"Sorry Castle, I-I..." She couldn't get her thoughts in order, her mind was reeling from the stress of the past hour. Her whole body ached, as if she had been being suffocated for the past hour and all of a sudden she had room to breathe again. She had been so still and so tense that once she relaxed her body was screaming at her. She cringed as pain shot up her spine when she tried to turn her head, maybe she would need to take some time off work after all.

"Oh, it's no problem, just...where are we? What's going on?" He asked as he tried to lift himself up into a sitting position, but the moment he lifted his head it screamed at him in protest. "Ow! God damn it! My head is killing me; did I get hit by a bus or something?" He heard a sudden sharp intake of breath and immediately regretted his joke. How long had he been out? Had she thought he was actually dead? He used the wall as leverage to sit up and he looked over at Kate who was right beside him. She was looking straight ahead, barely blinking, and focusing entirely on breathing in and breathing out, in and out, once and again.

He reached down and took her hand in his own and she held on tightly suddenly, he could feel her trembling although she was really trying to hide it. He lifted her hand and placed a kiss to the soft skin. "Hey, easy, easy Kate... just breathe, it's ok, you're ok...take it easy, breathe." He hummed soothingly to her. He wasn't sure why she was reacting like this exactly, all he knew was that she was trying to balance on a thin wire right now and there were only two directions that she could fall in and neither of them were good. She was either going to panic again and start hyperventilating until she drove herself crazy, or she was going to break down. She started to breathe a little slower again and he thought she was getting control of herself again.

"It's ok, that's it Kate, just breathe...you're ok, everything is going to be ok." He kissed the back of her hand and stroked her thumb with his own. He brought up his other hand and brushed a few loose locks of curls out of her face that had fallen out of her bun and tucked them behind her ear. She was still trembling, but she was getting calmer and calmer as every minute passed by. And then she broke.

She couldn't fight it anymore, she broke down in sobs and collapsed against him. Castle quickly swapped his hands over and wrapped his right arm around her while still holding her hand only with his left hand now. She buried her face into his shoulder and just cried. Rick tightened his hold around her and she turned towards him so that she was seated comfortable on his side. He rubbed her shoulder, trying to bring her some comfort and he kissed the top of her head between his calming words. She curled into his hold even more and grabbed a fistful of his shirt with her free hand, tugging at it, trying to get closer to him.

Kate didn't care anymore, she had been playing a balancing act since the shooting and now she was too tired to fight it any longer, it had only been a matter of time before something like this would have knocked her over the edge and now that it had happened she was glad that he was here with her for it. She didn't want to deal with all of this by herself anymore, she was sick of being alone and she was sick of always being in pain, she needed him right now and he was willing to be there for her so why say no.

Rick alternated between rubbing her shoulder and stroking her head as she soaked the shoulder of his jacket with her tears. He hated seeing her like this, so weak and vulnerable, it broke his heart. All he wanted to do was brush the hair out of her face and kiss away her tears, but even if she was crying on his shoulder right now there was still that damn line that he couldn't cross; not until she wanted him to and doing something like that would cross it for sure. Maybe 40 minutes later, Kate fell silent and began to breathe much slower; she had cried herself to sleep. Rick rested his head against hers and continued to run his fingers through her hair. She had pulled it out of the bun a little while ago, briefly explaining that it was becoming really uncomfortable.

She snuggled closer to him and he squeezed her shoulder with a sad smile. She was in his arms now, but what would happen when she woke up or when they got out of here and she became Beckett again? Would anything have changed between them or would she just act like it had never happened? What did it really matter? As long as she was ok, he was happy. Now that she was asleep, he started to think about the injuries he had. His head hurt like hell, but he didn't think there was very much damage done. He brought his hand up to inspect the wound and twisted his face in disgust when he felt the dried blood on the side of his face. How the hell did he not notice that before? Well, it didn't matter anymore, the blood had dried and there was no more leaking from the cut. He might need a stitch or two but for now he was alright.

Then his phone started ringing. He swiped it up quickly from beside Kate and flipped it open, sighing thankfully when Kate didn't wake up. "Hello?" He whispered, wondering who was calling him at this time of night.

"Castle? Is that you? Oh, thank god you're alright, we've been so worried. Kate said you were out cold and your head was bleeding, Javier called me and Kevin and we've been trying to figure out how to get you out of there. Maintenance is working on the elevator right now, but they took their sweet time getting here, and we think you guys are between the second and third floor. The fire department is on its way to come and get the doors open."

"Lanie, slow down, I did hit my head rather hard and you are making it very difficult for me to keep up with you."

"Right, sorry, I've just been really worried about you guys. How is Kate doing?"

"Keep it down ok, she's asleep right now. If you guys are planning to get us out soon, let me know so I can wake her up, I don't think it would help for any sudden noises to shock her awake."

"She's sleeping? At a time like this? Why is she asleep?" He could hear the suspicion creeping into her voice and he wanted to put an end to it before she started getting any ideas.

"It is dark and cold and she is exhausted, ok? Just cut her a break, she's really stressed out right now." He kissed her head and placed his cheek over the top of it.

He could swear that Lanie was about to make some sort of suggestive joke about the two of them being trapped together, but the seriousness in his voice made her realise that this wasn't the time for jokes and teasing. She decided to let it go and get back to helping get her friends out of there.

"Well, I think Javier is busy yelling at maintenance right now and Kevin is working on keeping him from hitting anyone. Oh, I need to go and let them know that you're ok, they're both worried that you might be bleeding to death in the elevator while the guys are taking their sweet time fixing the damn thing."

Lanie didn't speak for a bit as she made her way to the rest of the team. Rick listened to her explain to Ryan and Esposito that he was fine and then heard Esposito snap at someone for not moving fast enough. He heard some bitter words and a little complaining and then Lanie telling everyone to shut up. Rick held the phone away from Kate so that all the voices wouldn't wake her up. A few minutes later he heard a single voice coming through clearly so he brought it back to his ear.

"Could you say that again, please?"

"I asked if there was anything you guys needed."

"Maybe some food, we were on our way to Remy's for dinner when this all happened and now we're both starving."

"Sure, I'll go and get everyone some dinner, the boys haven't eaten either, I'll get them to work on getting the doors open wide enough to get it through to you two."

"Thanks Lanie."

"No problem, you just keep taking care of my girl there, ok?"

"Sure thing, bye."

Lanie hung up and Rick went back to watching his partner sleep on his shoulder. The torch was still sitting on the floor, the white light was playing gently across her face and he thought it looked like moonlight, it made her look like a sleeping angel. Her nose was still pink and her eyes were still a little puffy from all the crying, but she looked relaxed now, peaceful. He felt a warm glow in his chest and he smiled, how was it that he could fall anymore in love with her? He didn't know how it was possible but as he looked at her now with love and adoration, he knew he loved her even more.

He just couldn't help himself, he kissed her head once again and whispered so quietly it could barely be heard. "You are so beautiful, Kate, why don't you remember how much I love you?" His gaze turned sad as he felt that familiar ache in his chest. Why didn't she remember? How could she not remember? He knew it wasn't her fault, but it still hurt like hell.

"I do." Her voice was so quiet it was almost unheard, but he had thought she was still asleep so it surprised him anyway.

"What?" He looked down at her but her eyes were still closed and she still appeared to be sleeping. That was until she drew her lower lip between her teeth and but down.

"I do remember."

_**Don't you just hate cliffhangers? I know I do, hate em, worst, most terrible thing ever invented, it is a cruel form of torture, well on the show it is, here it it the perfect time to end a chapter without losing an section of the readers to bordem. So, how am I doing for my first Castle fic? Did I write Kate alright? Was a bit worried about trying to keep to her character as much as possible. There will be another chapter up sometime soon, can't say if it will be later tonight or tomorrow but since my exams are over and my holidays start now I have plenty of time. Reviews always do make things go faster though *wink, wink, nudge, nudge***_


	3. Busted

_**Told you I would update soon**_

His eyes widened and he forced himself to remain calm and quiet, raising his voice wasn't going to help at all right now. "How long have you remembered?"

She was quiet for about a minute, and then brought her hand up to rest on his shoulder in front of her face. She held on just a little, trying to keep him close to her while she told him the truth she knew would break his heart. "I never forgot."

He breathed in sharply and clenched his jaw. "You lied to me?" He couldn't believe she had done that, how could she do that to him? Didn't she know how much pain she had caused, how much it had hurt to live through her death twice and then to have his heart snapped in two? He felt sick, he wanted to shove her away from him and walk away and never look back, but no matter how badly he wanted it he knew he couldn't do that; especially not while she was clinging to him like her life depended on it. She needed him and he could never say no to her, no matter how angry he was with her.

"I'm so sorry, Rick, I didn't mean to hurt you; I never wanted to hurt you, I just...I was just scared, I'm still scared." She curled further into his embrace, as if she was afraid that he would disappear at any second and she was trying to savour this as much as she could. Was he going to disappear on her? Was he going to leave her? He couldn't answer that. It hurt so much it was killing him, but he couldn't bring himself to make that decision. He had left her before and it had almost killed him then, then she cut off communication with him for three months and he had decided not to come back, but he did come back. Being away from her like that was so hard, if he left would he be able to stay away?

"Rick? Please say something..."

He realised that there had been silence for a good five minutes and she was getting really nervous now. But he didn't know what to say, he knew he couldn't bring himself to forgive her for this, but he couldn't shove her away when she was so vulnerable. She had taken a big risk in telling him the truth, her wall was down and her heart was sitting in the palm of his hands right now. What he did next would either bring it back to life...or crush it into oblivion.

"What does it mean to you?"

"What?" She asked quickly, her voice picking up, a glitter of hope.

"That I love you...what does it mean to you?"

She released a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding and she moved her head even more onto his shoulder. "Everything...it means everything to me."

Now how could he be mad with her after that? He sighed subtly with frustration and made up his mind. "Ok...ok...I understand why you did that, I get it; I probably would have done that too under those sorts of circumstances. Anyone would have."

She wasn't able to stop a little sob from escaping her as she buried her face under his jaw and wrapped her arms around his neck. All of his anger quickly slipped away and he found himself putting both arms around her and hugging her tightly. Maybe they could just move past this, there wouldn't have to be any more pain on either side and they could make this work, this could really happen.

"I'm so sorry Rick, please forgive me, I wish I had never lied to you, I've wanted to take it back for so long but I was so afraid of losing you, I didn't want to risk it. I'm so sorry, you deserve better; you deserve so much better."

Oh...screw dignity and pride, what good was it anyway? "It's ok Kate, I forgive you, I'm not mad. I'm not upset, and don't say stuff like that, there is nothing better than you, Kate." He kissed her forehead and ran his fingers through her hair, breathing in deeply, drawing in that sweet smell of cherries. It was official, he couldn't deny it, he might as well get it tattooed across his forehead. He was a love-sick puppy, a foolishly, desperately, irresistibly, pathetically, masochist-ly love-sick puppy. But he just loved her so much he didn't want to try to be anything other than that, he loved being in love with her, it made him so happy. So why mess with a good thing? Because it hurts like hell when it all comes crashing down, that's why.

She breathed out with a sigh and then pulled back, breaking the embrace. She let herself get lost in his brilliant blue eyes and then she leaned forward slowly, brushing her lips against his own. She heard him moan her name when she pulled back and she smiled as she went back in for a stronger kiss. She opened her mouth and he slipped his tongue inside, taking the time to explore each and every corner of her mouth. She cupped his face and moaned into his mouth, making him grin. They pulled apart when oxygen became an issue, resting their foreheads together and panting. She opened her eyes and locked with his, she bit her lower lip and smiled. Rick smiled gleefully as he realised he could do something now that he had always wanted to do. He tangled his hand in her hair and pulled her back so that he could take that tortured lip into his mouth. She was only too happy to let him.

The kiss got more intense, both of them so hungry for each other, but they couldn't keep it up and once again the lack of air in their lungs forced them apart. Kate looked into his eyes in such a sweet way it made his heart beat like the wings of a hummingbird. She opened her mouth to say something when...

"I do hope we're not interrupting anything."

They both looked quickly towards the door to see that it had been pulled open somewhat. There was enough room for someone to get their head through, but they were too far down on the floor for anyone to be able to climb through. The both of them blushed furiously and Kate leapt back into the corner, sitting tensely but smiling like a girl who had just had her very first kiss.

"Um, no we're good, so looks like you managed to get the doors open...a little." Castle tried to deflect the desired topic of conversation, but Lanie and Esposito weren't having it.

"Oh no bro, don't even try to deny what we just saw, that was some kiss." Esposito was grinning.

"Girl, you got some explaining to do when you get out of there. I want details." Lanie looked like a Cheshire Cat.

"Lanie!" Kate scolded, her cheeks were as red as strawberries and Rick was looking at her with a raised eye brow. She lightly shoved him and he laughed. This was so embarrassing, but there was an essence of joy in her heart when she realised that they wouldn't be able to hide this, which meant that she could enjoy this in the open. She wasn't sure how far she was ready to go right now, but she did know that she really liked kissing him. She bit down on her lower lip and stole a few quick glances at her partner. She looked up at the two close friends who were making all sorts of suggestive faces and grins and she shuffled closer to Rick, half hiding behind him and half just wanting to be closer to him.

His lips were tingling from the memory of Kate's lips locked with his own and he smiled a little when he felt her move closer to him. As much as it hurt, he couldn't deny the excitement that was running through him in anticipation of what this meant for them. It wasn't just a kiss, from her it was a promise. His heart was so full of love for her, so much so that he didn't even notice the darkness that was still inside. He was still angry, he was still hurt, but pretending like everything was good was all he could do right now. He nudged closer to her and when he felt her fingers lace with his own behind their backs, he knew that she was not going to back down anymore.

With the lack of responses from their friends, Lanie and Esposito decided to bring it up again later. They moved back so that Lanie could get her arm in and hand over a few packets of Chinese food. She used the food to lure Castle over to her until he was close enough for her to get a better look at his head. "Richard Castle, what are you doing making out with my friend when you've got a bump like that on your head? Is it still bleeding?" She scolded him.

"No, it's dry, stopped bleeding a while ago; really it isn't even that bad. I don't think I even have a concussion, a headache maybe."

"I'll be the judge of that, thank you." Rick cringed, as if he were being told off by his mother.

He heard Kate trying to suppress a laugh and he suddenly wanted to spin around and throw a mock glare her way, but Lanie was still checking his head and she was keeping him in place making sure he couldn't move away. So he grumbled like a five year old and let her finish poking and pricking his head with her nails. Once Lanie was satisfied that Castle was indeed ok, she let him go and He returned to Kate with the food. She took a nice long smell of the delicious food and her stomach was growling eagerly. Lanie tossed down some plastic plates and cutlery and Castle opened up the fried rice and started serving some onto a plate for her.

The smile on her face was not nearly thanks enough as he handed over the plate piled high with something from every packet. She was so hungry; they had been stuck in here for nearly two hours and this food was exactly what she needed. She dug into the fried rice and had to seal her mouth shut when Rick started shovelling lemon chicken into his mouth, spilling lemon sauce down his chin. Even with a mouthful of food, she was still able to laugh as he quickly scooped it back into his mouth and licked his lips. Kate swallowed her mouthful and let herself laugh out loud.

The four of them talked casually while they ate, and Kate and Rick had eaten every scrap they had been given when suddenly the elevator shuddered. The lights flicked on then off again and the elevator shook. Kate squished herself into the corner and grabbed Rick's hand, he curled himself around her in the corner, wanting to protect her from any harm that might be coming their way. Lanie and Esposito were yelling at each other, yelling in general and they were yelling at their friends trying to keep them calm and ask if they were ok.

Then the elevator dropped.

_**Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm a mean horrible person. Sit tight everyone, got so much inspiration for this I don't think it should take long for the next chapter, two days at most, I promise. I'll also let you know, since I am leaving you with this dramatically suspenseful ending, that my chapters will be a lot longer than this from now on, I like writing long chapters, but this was just a perfect place to end the chapter.**_


	4. I Guess I Lied

_**I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favourites list. This story currently has 70 alerts, more than any of my other stories have ever even come close to. So as a reward, I give you the next chapter.  
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Kate screamed and Rick held her tight as they fell...then it stopped, shuddered, and then the doors opened with a familiar ding. The lights came back on and everything about the elevator was completely normal again. They were on the ground floor now, where they had been going when they got stuck between the second and third floor. They were shaken, but they managed to keep a stable state of mind long enough to scoop everything up and shoot out of the elevator and back onto stable ground. They leaned back against the wall and both breathed loudly before looking at each other and breaking out into laughter.

Lanie and Esposito came charging down the stairs and both sighed with relief when they saw that their friends were ok. Ryan appeared soon after with a proud smile on his face, Rick had no way of knowing but he guessed that he had been the one responsible for maintenance finally doing their job. He glanced up at the clock and noted that it was 11:24pm, they had been in there for two hours but it felt like it had been two days.

As Rick lay in his bed that night, he thought over everything that had suddenly changed between him and Kate. He could do this, couldn't he? He had been waiting for this for so long...but he couldn't shake that nagging feeling of betrayal. She had lied to him, right to his face for months and he was just letting it go? She had lied to him and then left him in the dark for three months and then showed up expecting him to be waiting for her. He had been trying to move on and instead he was back as her partner in five seconds flat and she was still lying to him. There was only two ways he could go from here: either he just dealt with the pain and betrayal and decided to let it go and start building something with the woman he loved so much...or he could walk away. He couldn't do that, not to her, she had put herself out there to tell him the truth, walking away would destroy her. _Maybe she should have thought about that before she lied to me_. As much as he loved her, he couldn't ignore the fact that she was treating him poorly; if he just kept going back to her then he was just becoming more and more pathetic.

She lied to him, she abandoned him, she left him, broke his heart, died on him twice, and then she made up all sorts of excuses for it all. And he still went back! It was just so hard to live without her, but did it hurt more to live without her...or to live with her? They had been partners for three years, they had trusted each other with their darkest secrets and had been there for each other through thick and thin, and yet it had been so damn easy for her to lie to him and for so long she had kept it up. What she had said in the elevator, he didn't believe that was the whole story. She had told him she didn't remember anything so she could buy herself some time and then once it was done she couldn't find the courage to tell him the truth. Maybe he just needed to drop it and see how things went between them, he would be seeing her again in the morning and maybe they could sort all of this out. After all, she wasn't the only one who was keeping secrets. But his secret was to keep her safe, her secret had been to keep herself safe too, it had nothing to do with protecting him from anything.

His eyes were drooping closed and he finally decided to let himself succumb to sleep, it had been a stressful night and he really just needed to rest. Maybe he was thinking about all this the wrong way, maybe it would be perfect and they would be perfect and live happily ever after together...yeah, it was definitely time for some sleep.

When he walked in the front door of the precinct the next day, he found Beckett waiting for him inside the door. She smiled at him and bit her lower lip, he handed her a coffee and a bear claw and they started walking together.

"Good morning, Detective." Castle said in his usual jovial way, barring the slightly cracked smile on his face.

"Good morning Castle, did you sleep alright?" Her eyes seemed to be flying all over the place, sometimes looking at him, sometimes looking straight ahead or looking to the side. She seemed really nervous.

"Well enough, and you?"

"Yeah, good."

She had been up for half the night, but once she had gotten to sleep she had slept alright. She was still trying to wrap her mind around what had happened last night, the talk, the kiss...was she ready for this? She had told him that she couldn't have the kind of relationship that she wanted until her mother's case was solved, well the case wasn't solved, nowhere near it, but she had already opened up that door to him. It was too late to close it now, even if she tried to she would lose him forever. He had given her too many chances, come back too many times; now that everything was out in the open she knew he wasn't going to do that again. But she wasn't sure if she could ignore the almost sickening fear inside her. She couldn't lose him, not again, she wanted this, she wanted to be with him but she knew she couldn't put everything she had into it and that would make things fall apart.

They walked together, side by side and both stopped outside the elevator. They looked up, paused and then looked at each other.

"I think I'm gonna take the stairs today, want to join me?" Castle asked, pointing towards the staircase.

"I'd love to, sounds like a good idea."

Awkward, and yet slightly humorous smiles were shared between them as they tried not to both bolt up the stairs. They had been stuck in that thing for more than two hours and they were not too eager to put their trust in that old thing again so soon. The walk up the staircase wasn't too bad, it was a little bit cramped as they continued to walk side by side, but it only gave them a good excuse to brush up against each other. They were both inching closer and inching away from each other, it was a bizarre state of affairs. They hadn't talked about anything, but after she had kissed him, it was clear that things had changed.

They reached their floor and as they stepped out and walked over to the bullpen, making jokes and sharing playful banter, they noticed that things were unusually quiet. Beckett got to her desk and stopped to look around, only to find that everyone else was staring at them. She was going to kill Lanie and Esposito and Ryan. She cast a glare around the room at each and every one of them and everyone suddenly bustled back into action, filing, talking, drinking coffee, as if nothing weird had happened. Beckett sat down and cast a glance at her partner who was already seated.

"You think they could at least wait until we're not looking."

Beckett frowned at his statement, and then looked over to where his eyes were locked and saw a few pretty pieces of paper swapping hands. She signed in annoyance, they didn't even know what was going on between them but that didn't stop everyone from collecting on their bets. She looked around again and noticed that, even though it appeared that everyone was behaving as normal, that almost everyone in the precinct had their wallet in their hands.

"I am going to kill Lanie, you know that she is the one who narked on us."

She said, glaring at anyone who looked their way. The speed in which those wallets disappeared once they noticed she was watching them almost made her burst out laughing, instead she just smiled. She loved the power that she had, everyone remembered what had happened the last time they had made a bet that involved her and Castle, and actually Castle had been one of the initiators of it, and so they were all scared of getting caught by her. Her eyes suddenly landed on a rather bitter looking Gates and she quickly focused on getting out her paperwork from the last case. Castle noticed the sudden work-time-NOW state of his partner and he quickly started discussing their last case, being careful to keep everything he was saying in the fact section. She spoke back and they talked about the murderer and his motives until they were both sure that Gates wasn't looking in they're direction. However, just because she was not looking at them didn't mean she wasn't thinking about them.

"Beckett, in my office now."

Beckett cringed and Castle gave her an encouraging smile as she closed the file, stood up and walked tensely into the Captain's office.

"Yes, sir?"

"Close the door."

Beckett quietly shut the door and stepped back in front of her boss, and she felt a pang in her chest at what was missing from the room. All of his awards and his nameplate and everything that told anyone that this was his office; Gates was no Montgomery.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yes, I want to know why everyone seems to be so interested in you and that pal of yours today. I heard that you two were trapped in the elevator last night, and today I am seeing more money than I care to note being passed around by your co-workers. Do you have an explanation for this behaviour?"

_Oh crap, this is so not what I need today._ "I have also noticed money being passed around, but I am afraid I have no idea why or whether it is connected to Castle and I getting stuck in the elevator last night at all. I know just as much as you do about all this...sir."

She wasn't buying it, she so clearly was not buying it. "Very well then, Detective, I expect to see all your paperwork completed by the end of the day unless you catch another case. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, sir."

"Now get out of my office."

If Beckett could have run from the office without looking suspicious, she would have done so, however a speedy walk was all she could manage. She sped back to her desk and dropped back into her seat, getting her paperwork out again.

"So, what was that about?" Castle asked.

"She wanted to know why everyone is giving each other money today." She didn't make eye contact, keeping her green eyes on the work so that Gates didn't have a reason to call her back into her office anytime soon.

"Oh, that must have been awkward."

"You have no idea."

Silence settled between them as she worked on filling in forms and signing papers. Beckett really didn't want to be doing this right now, as every time she started doing paperwork Castle would either sit there and stare at her the whole time or he would disappear, and she really didn't want him to do that right now. She hadn't meant to jump into this so soon, but just hearing the pain in his voice when he had whispered to her last night made her realise that she wasn't going to be able to keep this up any longer. So she had sucked in a breath and hoped he would forgive her for her lie. She had been scared and vulnerable last night sitting in the dark for so long thinking that she might have lost him, it had really shaken her up.

But while she was praying that a murder would come in or that Castle would start playing Angry Birds on his phone or something, anything that would keep him here long enough for her to finish off this work and take a lunch break so that maybe they could talk. But all he was doing was sitting back in his chair and staring off into oblivion with a worrying expression on his face. He was trying to get back into the swing of things, get back to what they had before but he was spending so much energy on just keeping himself from losing it. She had lied, to his face, after everything he had done for her. He was there whenever she needed someone, he was always there for her, he brought her coffee, he bought her flowers, he fought for her life, he always dropped everything he was doing for her...he gave up his old life because she made him want to be a better man, he wrote whole novels dedicated to her. He gave her everything he had every single day and every single day she pushed him away. He never asked her for anything except the truth and she hadn't respected that. How could she do this to him?

Watching her die had almost killed him and then having to sit in silence for three months wondering if she was ever going to speak to him again, wondering if she was alright or if maybe she had gone back to work and gotten herself shot again. What if she hadn't called because she couldn't call? The boys would have let him know if something like that had happened to her but what if they didn't know.

He was finally back in her life, she had finally admitted that she remembered what he had told her and there was finally hope for them...but he couldn't do it anymore. He had waited for three whole years for her and he knew she wasn't ready, but he couldn't wait anymore. He simply couldn't do it.

"I can't do this anymore..."

"What?"

"Not anymore, I can't...three years, three whole years Kate, I have forgiven you and come back and you...you always push me away, I trusted you, I loved you...but you...I tried to take that bullet for you, I tried but I didn't reach you in time. Every time I look at you I think of how close I came to losing you...maybe it would be better for both of us if I stopped following you around, pretending to be something I'm not. You should have a real cop for a partner, someone who is trained for the job...and I should have someone who won't keep trying to cut me out."

Kate couldn't breathe as he stood up and headed towards the elevator, he made it far enough to push the button before she flew out of her seat and ran towards him.

"Castle, wait! Please! I don't want to cut you out anymore, I didn't mean to I just...I'm sorry."

He stepped into the open doors and turned back to her, but didn't meet her eyes.

"It's too late for that Kate, the damage has already been done and I can't keep pretending like everything is ok anymore...I can't do it any longer."

She tried one last time before the doors shut on them for what she knew would be the last time. She didn't know what to say, how could anyone say everything in mere seconds? So she said the only thing she could think to say that might get him to stay.

"You said you forgave me."

"I guess I lied."

And then the elevator closed.

_**Oops, don't know what happened there, I'm sure things will get better in the next chapter...or will they?**_


	5. Admissions

_**I would like to thank purplangel for their review, I was a little worried that Castle was being too harsh, but if they got their happily ever after now then the story would be over way too soon, and I am having a lot of fun with this.**_

Kate stood completely still in front of the closed doors, not capable of anything but just standing there. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, she couldn't feel...anything. She was completely numb inside, like there was a black hole in her chest, a great big sucking black hole. Her lower lip trembled and before she knew what was going on, she found herself being seated in the break room while Ryan and Esposito made her a coffee and asked her what had happened. How long had she been standing there before they came over? What did it matter...he was gone.

"He's gone...Castle...he's gone...and he's not coming back, not this time."

Esposito immediately pulled out his phone to call Lanie, she was the only one who could help Kate get through this.

"Why?" Ryan asked softly.

Kate couldn't answer, she opened her mouth to speak but found her voice was missing. Her eyes were cast off into oblivion, unblinking, wide with shock as tears built up, blurring the emerald green and shining blindingly so in the luminescent lights of the precinct. She could barely breathe and when she was handed a cup of coffee, her hands shut around it like a trap and held on tightly, as if her life depended on it. How could he be gone? He couldn't be...he was always there, how could he...he said he had lied. Was this what it had felt like for him? She couldn't believe he had kept it up as long as he had if he had been in this much pain. It felt like a whole chunk of her had been cut out and tossed away and she couldn't live without it. What had she done?

"What did I do? What did I do? What have I done..." Her wall broke and the tears came rushing down her face. She was responsible for this, she had brought all of this on herself, she was the guilty party here and she deserved all this pain. But even if she knew it was hers to bear, that didn't mean that it wasn't killing her any less. She had taken that risk, she had put her heart out to him...and now it was shattered into a million pieces. She had been so scared of the pain, and because of her caution she was feeling it ten-fold now. "What have I done..." She gasped.

Two arms wrapped around her and she realised that she was suddenly back home, with Lanie by her side. "Nothing sweetie, you haven't done anything, what are you talking about?"

"It's all my fault...he's never coming back and it's all my fault."

"No, I'm sure he'll come back, we just gotta figure out what happened and fix it and I'm sure he'll be back in no time, he always comes back to you honey."

"Not this time, not this time...not anymore, he said it, I heard him. Lanie, how could I be so cruel?"

"Honey, that is ridiculous, I've known you for years and you are not a cruel person."

"Yes I am, I'm a horrible, ungrateful bitch!"

Kate buried her face in her hands and cried while Lanie rubbed her back and whispered to her, trying to calm her down. None of them knew what had happened, but Ryan and Esposito had gone to visit a certain writer to find out what...and maybe deal out a few kidney punches while they were there. Lanie hoped they would, Javier had said no, but she could dream. He had destroyed her best friend and for that she wanted revenge.

There was a loud banging on the front door of the expensive apartment, but instead of it being answered by a famous novelist, a young redhead opened the door. "Hi, what are you guys doing here? Are you looking for my dad?" Alexis was shocked as the two detectives barged inside and started yelling out for her father.

"He isn't here, he went to the precinct, what's wrong? Is he in trouble? Is he hurt?"

"Not yet he isn't." Esposito growled as he stormed into Castle's office, not willing to take anyone's word on where he might not be.

Ryan came down from checking upstairs. "He's not here, where else would he go?"

Esposito came back out and charged towards the door. "The Old Haunt."

The two detectives flew out of there in a gust of movement and rage. Alexis closed the door behind them and quickly called her dad. She had no idea what was going on, but she was really worried for his well-being right now. She listened for someone to pick up, but it went straight to voice mail. He had turned his phone off and now there were two very angry trained cops looking to spill some blood.

Ryan walked through the front door of The Old Haunt first, raking his eyes over everyone in the bar. Esposito went straight towards the basement and was stopped by one of the patrons. "Excuse me, who are you?"

"Friends of the boss, we need to have a private word with him about something." He made sure that his voice was as pleasant as possible so the guy wouldn't think they were here to kill him. He either believed that this was a friendly social call or he realised that these were not the kind of guys to mess with, so he stepped back and let them down the stairs. Once they were both down the stairs, they were caught with a sight they hadn't been expecting. Castle was sitting at his desk with his hands ripping through his hair, everything that belonged on the desk was on the floor and the place was an absolute mess. Papers were scattered, there was broken glass everywhere and there was a rather large bottle of bourbon sitting in front of Castle, open and half devoured, but there was no glass. The bitter anger softened at the sight of their close friend in such a state and they started to think that maybe they had gotten it all wrong.

"Bro, what the hell is going on?"

Castle looked up from his drink and the boys were shocked to see the tear tracks running down his face. He didn't bother to wipe the tears away, they had already seen them and he knew they wouldn't be the last tears he shed today, so why bother. He tried to answer the question, but instead just grabbed the bottle in front of him and downed a good lot of what was left. He indicted to two chairs over against the wall and they dragged them across the floor and sat down in front of their friend.

"Tell us what happened." Esposito said quietly, and Castle finally spoke.

"I couldn't pretend anymore..."

Lanie stayed beside her friend for hours, just trying to get her to tell her what had gone so very wrong since last night.

"I lied to him...I lied about something really important...and he said he forgave me...and then he left." Was about as much as she could say, just trying to remember how to breathe.

Lanie's phone began to ring and she stepped away to take the call so that Kate couldn't hear. Kate sat on the couch, her glistening eyes staring at the floor, not a single light in them. The stars were gone and so was the hope that had filled them only hours ago, now there was only emptiness. Everything that she was, everything she had been trying to be, had all been destroyed and it was all because of her selfish need to be in control and to not let herself get hurt. She threw her head back against the back of the couch and only just managed to suppress a scream. She bit down on her lower lip until it bled and she sobbed silently, knowing she would give up anything to stop feeling this pain.

This couldn't be real, they had gotten so close, so damn close, but it still slipped away through they're fingers. She looked down at the coffee table and noticed there was a bowl there, holding a few little burbles for decoration. There was also a newspaper, a book and an empty glass that had been filled with water a few moments ago. She picked up the book first, turning it over and running her eyes over the large photo of him on the back. She traced her fingers along the lines of his face, and then she snapped. She picked up the bowl and threw it across the room where it hit the floor and smashed, the glass burbles shattered into a million pieces. Lanie screamed with shock at the smash and was looking at her friend with fearful panic.

Kate couldn't explain why but it had made her feel better, as if breaking things could help relieve this horrible, sickening feeling that was choking her. She grabbed the paper and ripped it violently, throwing the shreds on the floor before grabbing the glass and throwing it with all the energy she had. It smashed against the wall and then she went for the book. She held it in her hands for a while, just staring into his bold blue eyes, before she opened it up and started ripping the pages out. By the time she finally just threw it on the floor, 'Heat Wave' was completely trashed. She broke down in screaming sobs on the floor after kicking the coffee table violently across the room, and Lanie found herself wanting to cry too. She explained to Esposito what all the noise had been and she ended the call.

She couldn't think of what could help Kate, when she was stressed they usually had ice cream, or if not that than a glass of wine. Lanie didn't think that alcohol would be the best idea for Kate right now, considering the way her father had taken to it after the death of her mother, she didn't want to risk a repeat performance; and ice cream was certainly not going to do it this time, she doubted she would even be able to convince Kate to eat it.

Lanie crouched down beside her best friend and hugged her fiercely, just wishing that she knew what to do. She tried to soothe her friend, to cheer her up, but she knew there was only one thing in the world that was going to be able to make her happy and that one thing had walked out on her for good.

"Ok, we get it, you keep giving and giving and she never gives anything back, I get that, but she told you that she wanted it, I mean that was one hell of a kiss. So why are you still not coming back?" Esposito asked. He and Ryan were feeling like perfect idiots right now, thinking that Castle was the bad guy when it turned out that he had more patience and loyalty than either of them could manage.

"Because she won't stop, I know she's not ready yet, I can see it in her eyes. She is going to find some excuse and run away again, she isn't ready for this. I can't be with her and then lose her again, the next time we might not be able to keep being friends. She makes me happy...but she also kills me. I just can't do it anymore, hearts were not meant to be tortured like this. If I just keep going back...I may not have anything left."

He looked so broken, twiddling a glass in his hand after his friends had insisted he stop drinking straight from the bottle. He had finished the bottle off a while ago, but they had stopped him from getting another. He was leaning over his desk, his head would drop down onto his outstretched arm every once in a while. Silence settled between the three for a long time, and then Castle started mumbling, it was clear he had had too much to drink by the way he was speaking.

"I just love her so much...her eyes...that curly hair...she is so beautiful...I love her so much, I love her so much its killing me."

Neither detective knew what to do, their friend was beyond hope until he was sober again. They couldn't take him home and let his daughter see him like this, and he couldn't stay in The Old Haunt forever. Ryan's phone started ringing and he cringed as he saw the number.

"Detective Ryan."

Esposito watched his partner as he nodded and then wrote something down on a slip of paper. Ryan hung up and looked dourly at his partner. "We got a case."

Esposito wanted to call Gates and tell her that she could find someone else to solve the case, but he knew that was not an option. They rose to their feet and headed towards the stairs, looking back at their friend, feeling completely useless at not being able to help him. What could they do? What could anyone do when your best friend was slowly slipping away? They walked up the stairs and headed off to the crime scene, hoping that maybe Lanie was having a little more luck with Beckett.

Lanie was standing at the door, she had gotten a call and she needed to go to a crime scene. Standing around in a cold room with a dead body was the last place she wanted to be right now, but as she looked back at Kate wrapped up in a blanket, asleep on the couch, she knew that she had other responsibilities too. She closed the door quietly behind her and hoped that Kate might just sleep for a long while, until she got the chance to come back.

But she was to have no such luck. The moment the apartment door closed, she woke up and looked around. Empty. It was always empty. She hated being here, she didn't want to sit in her apartment any longer, but she had nowhere else to go. So Kate sat up and pulled the blanket around her shoulders tightly and buried her face in the soft material. She pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly, and she closed her eyes and let the tears come. Why had she lied to him? That was the biggest mistake she had made, she had betrayed his trust in her and now she was serving time for it. She couldn't find the strength to get off the couch, but she knew there was a bottle of wine hidden in the kitchen. Maybe it would bring some peace, maybe it would numb the pain and she would be able to breathe again.

She forced herself to stand up and she dragged the blanket across the ground, keeping it tight around her shoulders. Everything felt colder now, lonelier, darker, like all the light in her world had been sucked out. Although the fact that it was getting late might also have something to do with that. She dug around in the kitchen until she found the wine and she grabbed a tall glass and returned to the couch, pouring herself a nice stiff drink and downing it in one shot. She knew better, after what her father had been through, she knew better, but as the delicious liquid ran down her throat, she started to feel a little lighter.

When Lanie returned, sometime around 11pm, she found Kate passed out on the couch, the wine glass was smashed against the far wall and the wine bottle was completely empty, rolling around on the floor. _Shit_. The ME immediately went to the kitchen and searched frantically, every where she could find for any and all alcohol. She found two wine bottles and a few beers in the fridge, she stuffed them all in a plastic bag and tossed them in the trash. She couldn't allow Kate to get that far, she had already drowned herself in one bottle, giving her the chance to become an alcoholic was not an option. But she knew that if Kate really wanted to drink, then nothing was going to be able to stop her.

Across town, in the basement office of The Old Haunt, Rick had his head flat against the desk, one hand wrapped around another beer (it was a bar, there was absolutely no shortage of alcohol here), and his other hand was holding his phone as he scanned through his photo library. A weak smile lit his lips when he found a picture of Kate smiling at him, it had been one of those nights at Remy's and he couldn't help himself. She had been looking the other way so she had no idea he was taking a picture of her. His beautiful, intelligent, sexy, stunning, extraordinary angel...he would just have to learn how to live without her.

He shoved the beer away from him and he sat up, taking in a deep breath and rubbing his eyes, it was time for him to go home. He had let himself have this one day to mourn what he had lost and now he needed to move on. He looked down at his phone and was about to call a taxi when he realised that he had been about to call Kate. He wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to know she was ok, he knew that what he had done was going to hurt her, but he had no right to call her now and ask how she was doing, he had walked away and if he called her it would only cause them both even more pain.

He called for a taxi and 20 minutes later he was opening the door to his loft, he stepped in, closed the door and the first thing he saw was the cover art for 'Heat Rises' glaring at him through the open door to his office. Yeah, this was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

_**There will be a phone call, some more drinking, and a little light in someone's life, but I ain't telling you anymore!**_


	6. A Second Chance

_**Ok, I'm going to spoil you now, only because all your wonderful reviews have made it impossible for me to stop writing**_

It had to be something like 3 o'clock in the morning, but Kate knew that she wasn't going to be able to get to sleep. She lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She had told Lanie to go home hours ago, she didn't need to be watched, she was just fine. Lanie of course didn't believe her, but she knew that she would need some time alone to sort through things. How had it all gone so wrong? One moment they were kissing and holding hands and then she was a broken mess in her apartment with more alcohol than she cared to admit running through her system. What was she supposed to do? They had been partners for so long she couldn't even begin to imagine what her life would look like without him.

Why did she have to be such a stupid bitch? Why couldn't she have just told him from the beginning that she loved him too she just wasn't ready yet, why couldn't she just tell him the truth instead of leaving him in the dark for three months and then continuing to lie to him? She didn't need to hear him say it, she knew that they were over for good now. He was not going to come back, nor should he. He didn't deserve to be treated like that, she had taken him for granted and now he was standing up for himself, as he should.

Tomorrow she would go back into work and force herself to forget about him, she couldn't keep thinking about him while doing her job anymore. He wasn't coming back and she just needed to accept that; no matter how painful or difficult it might be to do.

A week had passed and nothing had gotten even a little better. Beckett was sitting at her desk pretending to do paperwork that had been completed hours ago, trying to stay focused so her mind wouldn't wander to the empty space in the chair next to her. She should get rid of that seat, throw it away...but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She still had hope that maybe they would be able to fix things and that some day he would be sitting in that seat again, just like they used to be. Ryan and Esposito had been swapping between staring at her with concern, to being angry with her for the pain she had caused. They all knew that she was not the victim in all this, they knew what she did, dating Demming and breaking his heart, refusing to let him back into her life when he wasn't even aware that he had done anything wrong, dating Josh, almost getting herself killed as she chased her mother's killer...she was not completely innocent, she was not the victim...or at least she wasn't the only one.

It was really hard for any of them to take sides, both parties were at fault, both parties were in pain. All they could do was stand at the sidelines and watch.

Beckett scanned over the paperwork for the 15th time and knew that she had to stop, she was going to drive herself crazy if she kept this up. But she needed the distraction, she needed to keep herself occupied, she needed to keep herself from thinking about the empty chair beside her. Why couldn't she just let it go? She had been able to with every other guy that meant anything to her...but Rick was not just any other guy and she knew it. She couldn't take it anymore, she knew that everyone was staring at her, even after a week they hadn't stopped. She had finished all her work and now she just needed to escape.

She grabbed her coat and stopped outside the elevator, trying to catch her breath. She shook her head and went down the stairs instead, not being able to even press the elevator button without tearing up. It had been where it had all begun and where it had all ended, so quickly. She reached the ground floor and flew out the doors onto the street. She didn't know where she was going, nor did she really care, she just needed to get out of the precinct for a bit. She pulled her coat on, shoved her hands in her pockets and hid her face behind her wild curls. It was getting a lot colder now, it was nearing the holiday season, but she wasn't feeling very cheerful. She found a little cafe and she went inside, relishing the warmth that hit her face as she walked through the door.

She found a table over in the corner and she sat down silently, staring down at her hands in her lap. Kate could hardly keep the tears back, they had been threatening to fall for days, but she wouldn't allow herself to cry. She hadn't cried so much for anything else in her life...except for her mum of course. A barrister came over to her table and asked if she would like to order anything, Kate looked up and saw a young man with dark hair and blue eyes and she immediately looked away, mumbling that she just wanted a coffee. It had only been a week, she could still be upset couldn't she? She could do this, she could forget all about Castle and move on with her life. She was Detective Beckett and she could face anything. She was invincible, she was strong and there was nothing that could hurt her. The pain that shot through her chest basically screamed back at her _'no you're not and you know it'_. Memories flashed past her eyes, the bullet, Castle tackling her to the ground, begging her not to leave him and telling her that he loved her.

He loved her, he was supposed to be hers, he was supposed to be in love with her...how was that even possible? How could he love her? What about her could possibly invoke that kind of emotion in him? He was a good man, he was an excellent father, he was funny, clever, witty, innocent in his own child-like way, trusting, loyal...she was cruel, closed off, cold and bitter. They didn't belong together, they were just too different. He believed in magic and true love and fairytales and Santa Claus...she didn't.

A cup of steaming coffee was placed in front of her and she sipped at the hot liquid slowly and she cringed at the taste. She placed the cup down and glared at it, as if it was responsible for the pain she was feeling. Could she really just let him go? No, she didn't want to live without him, she couldn't live without him. She dropped some money on the table and took off back into the street. She hailed a cab and gave the address for Castle's loft. The cab ride gave her a little time to think about what she was going to say, she was going to get him back even if she had to fight for it. She was willing to take anything he had to throw at her, just as long as there was a chance that they might be able to mend the bridges they had crushed. She just needed him back in her life, forget about love and walls and everything that went along with it...she just needed her partner back...she needed her best friend.

But standing outside his building, she found she couldn't move. She had no right to be here, she shouldn't be here, she should be crying her eyes out in her apartment, suffering for the pain she had caused. But she couldn't walk away either. She pulled out her phone and called the all too familiar number. She heard it ring and she felt at least a little relief in that he hadn't turned his phone off.

"Castle." He answered with a fake cheer in his voice, he obviously hadn't looked at who was calling him.

"Hi Rick." She said quietly, gulping.

"Kate?" Up on the top floor, the writer stood up from his chair and smiled briefly before his face turned dark again. He was so happy to hear her voice that he had forgotten about everything that had transpired between them only a week ago. "What do you want, Beckett?" He asked coldly.

Kate shivered, not liking the way he had said her name. "I was...I was wondering if we could talk...please?"

Her voice was so quiet and shy that it broke his heart to say no, but he refused to go back, he refused to let himself become that pathetic helpless idiot again; not that he wasn't still pathetic. "I don't think so."

"No wait!" She called before he could hang up, and he couldn't stop himself from bring the phone back to his ear.

"Please Rick, I know what I did was wrong, I know I am a horrible person, but I want to fix that. I want to be better...please, I just..." Damn it, screw dignity and pride, what good was it anyway?"...I miss you, Rick...I miss you so much."

Locked away in his office, Rick was fighting back tears, he couldn't bear to hear her so weak and vulnerable like this. He missed her too, so much it hurt like hell, but it would hurt more to go back to her. "I'm sorry, Kate, I just can't." He hung up.

Standing in the street, just outside his building, the detective fought back tears. She clenched her jaw and bit her lip in the attempt to maintain control. She put her phone back in her pocket and slowly walked away, tearing the skin on her lip. She didn't even notice the taste of the blood as it leaked into her mouth. It would seal over soon anyway, just like it had last time. She wanted to scream and yell and throw her phone at the wall, but she was not in the security of her apartment, so she kept her violent impulses at bay. She wanted to run inside the building, run up the stairs and knock on his door until he let her in, she wanted to fix this and she wanted to fix it now. She had never been a very patient person and now it was driving her crazy. She would wait for him to forgive her, but first she needed to know that that was ever going to happen.

Why did she even bother, it wasn't like he should come back, once again she was just being selfish. He didn't want anything to do with her anymore, so she should just respect that and leave him alone. She forced herself to turn around and to go home, because there was nothing else that she could do.

Rick leaned against the window of his office, looking down at the brunette beauty walking away. Something had compelled him to look out the window after he had hung up on her, and he had been more than surprised to see her standing down on the street. She wasn't moving very quickly, he could still run down the stairs and catch up to her, or he could just call her back and tell her to come up to the loft. He wanted to hear her voice right next to him again, see her smile, hear her laugh, he wanted to hold her, kiss her...So if he wanted it so bad why was he still standing here?

It hurt so much what she had done, but just because it hurt like hell didn't mean that it had to be over. What if he just gave her another chance, maybe they could get through this, he could forgive her, not yet, but maybe...soon. Before he knew what he was doing, his phone was in his hand and he was calling her back. He was useless without her, he knew it was true. For the past week he had sat in front of his laptop, but he hadn't written a single word, because without her there were no words. She made him feel, she made him happy, she made him angry, she made him sad, these were all elements that he used in his stories. Maybe she was exactly what he needed, maybe this pain was supposed to help him write. His blue eyes shone through the glass, hoping he would see her pick up her phone.

When Kate heard her phone start ringing, she tried to suppress the burning hope in her heart, because it couldn't be who she wanted it to be. She didn't even look as she answered it, not willing to let herself break down yet when she saw it wasn't his name coming up on her screen.

"Beckett."

"Kate I..." But it was him, and when his voice met her ears her heart jumped into her throat.

"Yes?"

"...It's cold outside, why don't you come up to the loft."

Kate spun around and managed to make out a shape standing in his window, her heart beat faster as she let that hope fill her chest. "Ok." She ended the call and ran inside the building.

_**It was just breaking my heart, so I decided to let them have a little joy, this story is far from over though. So yeah, I lied about the drinking, I ended up deleting that part because it was just dragging it on and it wouldn't really work with these two trying to have a serious and meaningful conversation with major hangovers. Now I have some idea of where this is all going, but the story is pretty much writing itself. So let's see what happens between these two, shall we?**_


	7. Knocking On Love's Door

_**Knock knock, 'whose there?', 'true love'.**_

She couldn't wait for the elevator, so she took the stairs and on her way up her mind was spinning with everything that could possibly be about to happen. Was he going to give her another chance? Did he just want to tell her face to face that it really was over and that she shouldn't keep calling him? So many possibilities were running through her mind and every new one made her more and more nervous. When she stopped outside his door, she froze. If she went inside, there was the chance that she would be in more pain when she left...but then again she might be in less pain. There was no turning back now, so she raised her hand and knocked lightly on the door.

Rick had no idea what he was doing as he moved towards the door, she was so close, she was just on the other side and yet...he felt like she was miles away. He didn't even know what he was going to say, but he wanted so badly to just see her again that he pushed through the pain that had been hanging over him for the past week and he opened the door. He tried to smile as his eyes once again touched her face, but what he saw wasn't what he had been expecting. To anyone else, she would appear happy and healthy, but to anyone who knew her as well as he did, it was clear that she had been hanging on by a thread. She looked a lot thinner than before, like she hadn't been eating, her eyes were darker than he remembered them and it looked like her lower lip had been taking a beating. There were big heavy circles under her eyes and the way she was looking up at him broke his heart, so scared and unsure; there was glimmer of hope in her eyes that he knew only he could touch.

Kate was also surprised by what she saw, his clothes were very wrinkled, as if he had slept in them more than once, his hair was messy and it didn't look like he had shaved in a while. But the light that ignited in his eyes when he looked down at her again made her heart beat faster. He stepped aside so that she could walk in and when she heard the door being closed behind her, she released a deep breath she hadn't realised she had been holding onto. She stood rather awkwardly in the middle of the room until Rick directed her over to the couch, they both sat down on the same couch, leaving a space between them; Kate slipped out of her coat and folded it neatly over the seat. Neither one knew what to say or what to do, so silence settled between them for a bit while they gathered their thoughts.

Rick knew that he should probably speak first, since there must be a reason that he invited her into his apartment, but all he could think about was touching her hand or kissing that bruised lower lip of hers. So when she spoke first, he was taken a little by surprise.

"Rick...look, what I did was wrong, I know that. I know I should have just told you the truth and we probably could have just worked through it...but I just needed a little time to think things through, I never thought it would go for so long, I figured I could blame it on temporary amnesia or something...But once I got you back, I wanted to tell you the truth but I was so afraid of losing you...but it looks like I lost you anyhow." She said the last bit rather quietly, but he still managed to hear.

Rick lifted his gaze and found that she was staring down at her hands.

"It's ok."

"No, it's not, I betrayed your trust and I hurt you, it's not ok..."

He had wanted her to know how much pain she was inflicting, but he hadn't wanted her to lose hope like this. He reached out and took one of her hands in his, squeezing it gently. She finally looked at him and he saw the glistening tears that were threatening to fall. His brow furrowed as he contemplated what he should do. He couldn't bear to see her like this, so he moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him gently. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck and held onto his shirt, clenching it in her fist as the tears came fast. After all this time, this was all she had needed. She knew he wasn't ready to forgive her yet, otherwise he would have said so, but just the fact that he was willing to hold her made her heart feel so free, like it had been let out of a cage. A week of pain was being released in this moment, running down her face and soaking his shirt.

Rick held her a little tighter, burying his face into her hair and letting his own tears fall. He kissed her head and stroked her back, encouraging her to just let it all out. He had been holding it all in too, not wanting his daughter to see him like this, so now, with Kate wrapped safely in his arms, he let himself cry. Simply touching her, let alone holding her, filled the void in his heart and made him feel whole again. She was his everything, he needed her like he needed to breathe, and beyond all that he loved her. His tears dried first and he pulled back just enough to look down at her face, he smiled tenderly and kissed away her tears. She cast her emerald eyes up at him and he was caught, the colour was back and so was the light and it made him feel so happy that he couldn't stop himself. He leaned closer and kissed her tenderly, slipping his hand around to hold the back of her neck.

Kate sighed against his lips and brought her hands up to slowly wrap around his neck, playing with the short hairs at the back of his neck with her fingers. He ran his tongue along her lower lip and sucked it into his mouth. Kate responded by meeting his tongue with her own, and soon the kiss was getting heated. She tangled one hand in his hair, pulling him closer, and she ran the other one down his chest, hooking one finger inside his shirt. Rick slipped one hand around her waist, pulling her closer as well, and he ran the other hand up and down her back. When she moaned into his mouth, the fire was lit inside him and he slipped that hand up underneath her shirt, gracing his fingers across the cool bare skin. Kate broke the kiss to gasp for air, so Rick locked his lips with hers once more before tracing the line of her jaw and then down her neck with warm, soft kisses.

There were a few alarms going off in their heads, but neither one cared, they were so hungry for each other that they didn't really care if they were moving too fast or if this wasn't exactly the right thing to be doing right now. Rick couldn't explain the emotions bubbling inside him, kissing her neck, stroking her back and smirking against her skin every time he elicited a gasp or a moan from her. Kate panted when his kisses started going across her collarbone and she kissed his head while grasping a fistful of his hair in her hand. She moved closer and before she knew it she had one leg wrapped around his waist. Rick took his hand from her waist and ran it down along her thigh, wrapping his hand underneath it and pulling her just that little bit closer. She made a sound that could only be described as eager anticipation as she landed on his lap, she rolled her hips a little and he groaned. She brought his mouth back to hers and their fiery kisses continued until they were both out of breath. They collapsed against each other, their foreheads resting together while green eyes met blue with lust and heat.

But as they came down from their heated high, both of them started to think straight again, damn it. Kate slipped off of Rick's lap, but remained close to him, and she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, blushing wildly and smiling nervously. Rick just couldn't stop looking at her, his eyes were wide with love and adoration and he suddenly didn't give a damn what had happened in the past at all, with kisses like that he was sure he could forgive her and put the lies behind him in no time. He saw the smile on her face and he leaned forward to kiss each corner, making it grow.

"Wow..." He breathed.

"Yeah..." She replied.

They both looked down and realised that their hands were joined; only making them smile more. Rick looked deeply into her eyes and asked the question that needed to be answered before anything else happened. "Are you ready for this?"

Her smile disappeared as she thought about it, chewing on her lower lip and for what felt like hours but was only about a minute, Rick held his breath and waited for her answer. She couldn't say it though, so she nodded and smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes...I'm ready."

Her eyes still held a quiver of doubt, but he knew that she meant it. She wasn't just trying to make him happy; she was really ready to do this, just a little shy about it. Well, after how he had left her before, he really couldn't blame her. The smile that lit up his face was like the sun, he had never been so happy before and he kissed her head, mouth, nose and each cheek to show how happy he was, all the while Kate giggled. Yes, she actually giggled, and it was the most amazing sound.

When Rick sucked in a deep breath and looked suddenly very nervous, Kate got a little worried, wondering what he was about to say.

"Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow night?"

She sighed with relief, fearing that she had been reading the signs wrong or something. She smiled wildly and nodded. "I would love to."

The joy that spread over his face made her heart pound inside her chest and she suddenly couldn't wait for tomorrow night.

And then it all broke. Her stupid phone was going off and she reluctantly pulled one hand away from his to pick it up and answer it.

"Beckett." Her voice was a little more bitter than usual, after all, whoever was calling her was interrupting a pretty special moment.

"We got a body, girl, we'll meet you at the precinct?" Esposito tried to make it quick and clear, not wanting to piss his boss off, but at least she wasn't sobbing.

"Ok, I'll be there soon." She hung up and then looked back at Rick. "A body just dropped, you want to come in on the case?"

"Uh...maybe not just yet, there are a few things I need to do before I go back to the station, I've kind of let myself go over the past week and I really should clean this place up and possibly shave too before Alexis gets home, if she gets home and sees the alcohol in the office and the lack-of-a-dad she might panic. I'll see you tomorrow night, ok? If you can wait that long." He teased.

She smirked and leaned in so that their lips were almost touching. "As long as it is worth the wait, I won't mind." She nearly laughed when she heard him swallow hard, obviously his mind was going into all sorts of dirty corners.

He walked her to the door and handed her coat to her, completely helpless to the brilliant smile on his face. She plucked up the courage and kissed his cheek before stepping out into the hallway, she watched as he waved her goodbye and she did the same. Rick waited until she was completely out of sight before he closed the door and let out a heavy breath. She was ready for this, she was kissing him, she was holding his hands, she was coming over for dinner tomorrow night. That last thought snapped him out of it and he took off into his office to start disposing of the empty bottles that were piled on the shelves. He searched high and low, making sure he got every single one, and then he showered, dressed a little better and shaved his face.

He fixed up his hair and found that cocky smirk he was so good at sitting on his face. She was coming over for dinner, Kate Beckett, his place, tomorrow night. What was he going to make? He had to make something wonderful, delicious, he needed wine. He knew he was letting it all go a little easily, but really, it was only one lie, not a big deal; well, not a big deal considering that she felt the same way. Anyway, he knew what that kind of fear felt like, it was why he knew he couldn't tell her the secret he was keeping from her, because if he did he would lose her not just as a friend and a partner, but she would very quickly get herself killed and he couldn't let that happen. The point was that she did know how he felt for her and she was willing to give them a chance, when weighing her lie and his lie, it was clear that his was a lot bigger. But none of it really mattered right now, because he was going on a date, a date with Kate Beckett!

_**I think we all just needed a little caskett fluff, but it won't be smooth sailing from here on out**_**,_ so stick around to see what happens next._**__


	8. Trouble In Paradise?

_**So here is a longer chapter to keep you entertained while I continue to let this story grow, here we get a little interaction with Gates and we all know what she thinks about Castle, now don't we?**_

When Beckett walked back into the precinct, everyone was staring at her, only this time she didn't care. She had a spring in her step and a smile on her face, and everyone around her was completely dumb-founded by this dramatic change. An hour ago, she had been on the brink of depression, closed, quiet, irritable, fighting back tears. But now she was practically glowing, grinning from ear to ear; although she was trying really hard to hide it and, dare they think it, practically skipping through the hall. She hopped in the elevator, surprising them further, since she had avoided it completely since her partner had left, but she merrily stepped in, pressed the button and stepped back. When the doors closed, everyone on the ground floor was sharing bewildered looks and questioning glances. Then a few of them started to smile, either she had completely lost her mind and was off in Wonderland...or a certain famous novelist was back in the fold.

If only this had happened yesterday, because when Beckett reached her floor, she noticed a large pile of manila folders on her desk. But they hadn't even seen the body yet, what files could there possibly be? She walked over and looked at the label on the first folder, and then she looked at the next one and the one after that. They were all profiles on different detectives, and when she noticed Captain Gates looking in her direction, she immediately understood. _Oh damn it._ The dark-skinned older woman almost had a smile on her face and Beckett felt a chill at the sight. Gates walked over to her and placed her hand on top of the folders, probably to stop Beckett from picking them up and dumping them somewhere else.

"I have spent the week looking for a good selection for you, these are the best the NYPD has to offer, I suggest you look through each one of them before you make your decision." She spoke clearly and firmly, but Beckett wasn't going to have any of it.

"I don't need a new partner, I already have one, sir."

"A partner who knows nothing about being a cop, a flimsy, clumsy novelist who can't use a gun or protect you or apprehend suspects; not to mention he hadn't been around for an entire week so I can only assume he has gotten bored of his games."

"With all due respect, sir, Castle is just as qualified as any other cop here, he is good under pressure, he thinks outside the box, he _can_ use a gun, very well in fact, and he has helped in the solving of three years' worth of cases and three years' worth of suspects and criminals. And as for his absence, he has been taking some time off due to personal reasons, but he will be back by next week." She spoke just as firmly, making it clear that there was only one way this conversation could go.

"I don't care how wonderful you think he is or how powerful his friends may be, he is not a cop and I will not continue to have his unprofessional type in my precinct. Now you will pick out a new partner or I shall do it for you, do I make myself clear?" Damn it, she played the Captain-card.

"Yes, sir." She said through gritted teeth.

Gates nodded firmly and walked back into her office. Beckett dropped into her seat and groaned, looking over the pile of potential partners. How was she going to get through this? She wasn't going to choose any of them, no chance in hell was she replacing Castle, not even if he still refused to come back. Even if he had said he would never set foot in this place again she still wouldn't be able to replace him. Castle was irreplaceable. Esposito and Ryan came over, having noticed the dramatic change in their boss' mood, they decided to try a little small talk.

"So, Gates wants you to get a new partner huh? Already, seems a little rushed don't ya think?" Esposito commented, grabbing one of the files and flicking through it.

"Not fast enough according to her." Beckett grumbled.

Ryan picked up one of the folders and scanned through the contents before closing it quickly and dropping it on the corner of Beckett's desk. "Yeah, a mighty fine selection, I know that guy from when I was in Narcotics. He may get good results and close a few cases, but he is a real jackass."

Esposito tossed the one he was holding on top of the one Ryan had just dropped and he picked up another one. "Now this guy is really fit and good at taking down suspects, but he isn't very bright, plus he is like crazy superstitious."

Beckett allowed herself to smile, this was their way of helping her and showing that they were taking her side.

Esposito picked up another folder, took one look at the photo and then held it over so Ryan could see. "You ever met this guy before?"

"Nope, you?"

"No, never seen him before in my life." Then they both looked at each other and at the same time they both said. "Rookie." With a nod.

"I appreciate the assist guys, but you don't have to sit here and look through all this if you don't want to." She told them with a smile, after all there was a body waiting for them.

"Come on girl, whoever you pick is going to be a part of our team too, we should get a say in this." By the way Esposito had said it, she knew he wasn't being serious, he was just trying to keep the humour light.

"Isn't there a body we are supposed to be checking out?" She reminded them.

"How about I take care of all this and you and Ryan go check out the body?" Esposito suggested.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, she knew he was up to something, but she decided to play dumb and let him have this one. After all, she wanted to know what his master plan was. So she grabbed her badge and gun and stepped into the elevator with Ryan at her heels.

It would have to have been the simplest case they had ever caught. A man had been mugged and killed with a knife, the mugger had taken his wallet, gone into the store right next to the alley with the dead body and blown all the money in one sitting. Once he was out of money, he had returned to the alley to see if the poor guy had anything else he could use, having not noticed that someone had called the cops and the whole street was swarming with the NYPD when his bloody knife fell out of his pocket. He admitted to the crime and was arrested just as Beckett and Ryan showed up to the scene. The first case after two days of paperwork and the criminal was a complete moron.

But of course, they still had to canvass and collect witness reports so that they had proof and it wasn't just some random guy with a mental condition who only thought he had committed the crime. So by the time they got back to the precinct, it was almost night. Ryan rubbed his eyes and groaned as he stepped off the elevator, he wished he had decided to stay behind and do paperwork or something, anything but having to talk to everyone they could find in that very busy street asking if they had seen anything when the guy sitting in the back of the police car over there had killed the victim. Beckett wasn't the type to complain about case, but this one was just really boring. Then her eyes landed on her desk and she frowned with confusion at the pile of folders that was still sitting there, only it looked bigger now.

She walked over to Esposito, who was lazing about in his chair playing solitaire on his computer. "I thought you said you were going to take care of that junk mail, so why is the pile bigger than when I left?"

He continued to play the digital card game as he answered. "I started going through them, then I quickly scooted back to my desk when Gates came around the corner and dumped about four more folders on top of the pile. I decided it was too big a risk to go through them while you weren't here and she was watching, so I left them exactly where they were. Sorry, but the look I got from her made it clear that we were to have no part in this at all."

He was strangely ok with this after his determined motivation earlier, but she figured he was right, it was going to be her partner so she was the one who had to choose. Wait! She didn't need another partner because she already had one!

"I suggest you look through them anyway, just to make Gates happy." Esposito suggested.

Once again, she thought he might be up to something, but he didn't look excited or happy or eager or anything that would give away a secret plot. But she guessed he was right anyway, so she sat down at her desk and glared at the pile of folders. She took the first one and looked through it from page to page. After about a half hour of going through endless profiles on all sorts of people, some good , some bad, but none of them were who she wanted them to be, she finally came to the last one. She sighed with relief at this almost being over and she grabbed the last folder and opened it up. And boy was she surprised.

A huge smile crossed her face and she smiled gratefully across the bullpen at her team mate. Inside this particular folder was another profile, only it wasn't a detective that sat in this document. Richard Castle smiled back at her from the same picture that adorned the back of the cover on every one of his books, his navy shirt bringing out the blue in his eyes and helping to show off his cocky smirk. She looked through the rest of the papers, noticing that this folder was a lot thicker than the others. There were three numbers displayed at the top of one of the sheets of paper, counting up the number of cases he had worked on, how many he had helped to solve and how many he hadn't solved; which was only two, 3XK and Johanna Beckett. When comparing the numbers, it was insane to actually see how many cases he had helped to solve. There were a few pages on some of the subjects he was well versed in such as psychopathic criminology, world geography, local history and dozens of others all written in official scientific-like names to make them sound important, and there was a list of his skills, useful personality qualities and his achievements. There was even a page listing just a few of his wide range of contacts that had helped to solve some of the murders he had worked on, contacts involved in such things as the CIA, modelling, acting, publishing, charity functions, the mob, high-class theft, and many others; including his own daughter who was just a black hole of information. Not to mention how his fame and fortune had given his team access to high-class parties inhabited by killers and into the homes of criminals who were fans of his work.

Basically, it was the longest job reference ever made. Some of the parts she liked the most were when it was said how determined, loyal, dedicated, clever and resourceful he was. Beckett continued to read the file and rolled her eyes a million times at how professional and experienced Esposito had made the childish, fun-loving, easily distracted writer sound. It was perfect and it was bound to at least make Gates reconsider her judgment about him.

Beckett rose from her seat with the file in hand and walked with confidence into the Captain's office. Gates looked up at her as the detective dropped the file on her desk and smiled. "This is the partner I choose." And before Gates could open the file and see who was really in it, Beckett turned around, walked out, grabbed her stuff and went home for the day.

Castle was the only partner for her, he had been her only partner and he would always be her only partner. She arrived home sooner than she had predicted and changed out of her work clothes and redressed into something more comfortable. She curled up the couch with one of Castle's books in her lap, but when she dropped down onto the couch she was a little too close to the arm rest. She gritted her teeth as she fought through the pain that had erupted on her left side where the scar from her surgery still lived. She dropped the book on the ground out of instinct to bring her hands to the source of the pain and it landed on the floor with a thud. She continued to breathe through the pain until it had dulled down, and then her hand found its way to her chest, her fingertips brushing across the circle of burnt flesh where the bullet had entered. She was ready to do this, to let the rage over her mother's death go and move on with her life; with Rick.

Her psychiatrist was going to help her work through it and she would be able to be the kind of person she wanted to be. But was it wise to enter into a relationship with Rick before the wall was broken down? They had only just started to work on it after all, was she trying to go too fast? No, she could handle this, after all, it was just a date, their first date; it wasn't like she was trying to decide whether or not to move in with him. This was just the beginning, she had time to work through her issues before the relationship got serious...that was if it wasn't serious already. She blushed when she thought about the heated kiss they had shared in his apartment, actually, that had been a lot more than just a kiss. If it hadn't been for the fact that they were stopped by the need to breathe, Kate was pretty sure that clothes would have started to disappear.

She sighed quietly as the pain in her side subsided almost completely and she leaned forward to pick up the book. She rearranged herself on the couch so that she wasn't in any danger of bumping her scar again and she opened the book. She read until midnight and then she went to bed, her chest swarming with excitement and a great deal of nerves about the date tomorrow. She drifted off to sleep thinking of blue eyes, brown hair and very talented hands.

When Beckett walked into the 12th the next morning, she expected to find the pile of folders having been taken care of and all of Castle's possessions sitting right where they belonged on her desk, waiting for him to come back. But as she got closer, she froze.

"What the hell?" She exclaimed only loud enough for Ryan and Esposito to hear.

Not only was all of Castle's stuff packed into a box and sitting on the floor beside her desk, but there was a tall, muscular, dark-haired man in his late thirties sitting in Castle's chair. She stomped over to the stranger, stood in front of him and placed her hands on her hips. He looked up at her and smiled, his grey eyes giving her no sense of assurance in this situation.

"Detective Beckett I assume? Nice to meet you, my name Joe Brunswick, apparently I am your new partner." He stood up and held out his hand to her, she shook his hand, being too stunned to think to stop herself.

_**Yeah, I'm mean, but I did warn you guys that it wasn't going to be easy. Now before you guys say anything, I am going to say now that Detective Brunswick is not a throw-away character, he will be sticking around for a while.**_


	9. First Impressions Are Usually Right

_**Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it, we don't actually have it in Australia.  
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><p><em>"Detective Beckett I assume? Nice to meet you, my name is Joe Brunswick, apparently I am your new partner." He stood up and held out his hand to her, she shook his hand, being too stunned to think to stop herself.<em>

* * *

><p>She clenched her jaw and frowned at him. "Are you the one responsible for this?" She asked, pointing to the box sitting on the floor.<p>

He smiled at her and nodded. "Yes, the Captain said that doing a helpful deed would be a good way to start a partnership, then she suggested I clean up your old partner's things so that you wouldn't have to do it."

She just managed to stop herself from glaring at him as she swiftly moved around him, grabbed the box, put it on her desk and started unpacking everything and putting it back where it belonged. When she was done she tossed the box away and sat down in her seat, running a hand through her hair with frustration. Detective Brunswick looked very confused, but he shrugged it off, probably thinking he had packed up the wrong stuff, maybe all of that was hers and her old partner's stuff was already gone. Then he sat down. Beckett looked over at him and stood up, placing her hands on her desk and putting her weight on them to stop herself from doing something stupid with them.

"Detective Brunswick, while I appreciate your good intentions, I would like to make one thing very clear. I already have a partner, so you are free to go back to wherever you came from." She cast her eyes away from him, he wasn't the real problem after all so he didn't deserve her glare; it was Gates.

Brunswick smirked at her and crossed his legs...still sitting in Castle's chair. "Captain Gates said that you were having a little trouble accepting the fact that your old partner was gone and assured me that no matter what you said, I am your partner and I am not going anywhere."

Now he deserved her glare. She cast her narrowed eyes in his direction, but he didn't even flinch. He did, however, look her up and down when she removed her jacket and sat back down in her seat. She felt dirty and wanted to go home and take another shower. He obviously saw something he liked.

"Where is your desk?" She asked him.

"I haven't been assigned one yet, so the Captain told me to just hang around yours until I do."

"Fine. But if you want to stay on my good side, you will go and find your own chair, that chair isn't just for anyone."

He raised an eye brow curiously at her, but she hardened her glare and he left the seat to go and find another one.

Beckett watched him until he was out of sight and then she threw her head back and sighed angrily. If it wasn't for the fact that she would lose her job, she would go right in there and give the Captain a piece of her mind. This was unbelievable, she had seen the file that more than proved that Castle had a right to be here and yet she had still assigned her a new partner anyway. Well, he wasn't going to be sticking around for long, if she couldn't convince him to leave, she was sure that Castle would have a plan or two that would work.

While her new 'partner' was absent, she whipped out her phone and hit speed dial #2. She waited impatiently for the ringing to stop and for his warm voice to be heard.

"Detective Beckett, are you missing me already?" He asked with that little bit of a tease in his voice.

"Castle, we have a problem..."

"...and then he just brushed me off, like I didn't have a clue what I was saying." She had explained the whole situation to him and he was almost speechless the whole way through.

"At his age, shouldn't he have a partner already?" Castle asked.

"You would think so, wouldn't you, I mean it is all so wrong. He is an experienced detective, so he should be partnered up with a buddy of his or training a rookie, not being partnered up with me."

"Meaning, he shouldn't be partnering up with one of the best detectives in New York City who already has the best novelist in New York City as a partner?"

She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her. "Yes, that is exactly what I meant, Castle, it's like you read my mind."

"If I could actually read your mind, do you think I would be walking around in circles in the shops trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight?"

"Are you actually walking in circles, Castle?"

"More like in squares, or zigzags, this store is like a maze."

Kate chuckled.

"Ah! Now that is what I have been looking for, it took me so long to find it."

"Find what?"

"That adorable sound you make when you laugh."

She blushed. "What is that supposed to mean? Are you saying that I don't laugh enough?"

"If you laughed every single day, it still wouldn't be enough. It is such a cute sound, it should be recorded on CD and sold throughout the world."

"Ok, now you're just being cheesy."

"Indeed I am, any preferences in this particular section?"

"What?"

"I am standing in the cheese aisle, is there anything you would like me to buy?"

She rolled her eyes and suppressed a chuckle so as to not start that conversation again. Then she bit her lower lip and smirked. "Why don't you just surprise me, Rick." She said in a deep sultry voice. She smiled when she heard him swallow.

She found that he was speechless after that as his very creative and wild mind took him to all sorts of dirty little corners thinking about all the ways he could surprise her, and judging by the speed of his breath, he had started thinking about all the ways she could surprise _him_. She was about to say something else when she noticed that Brunswick was on his way over, apparently it had taken him a lot longer to find a spare seat than either of them had thought.

"I gotta go now, Castle, I have a new partner to get rid of."

"Ok, I'll see you tonight, at 7:30, and make sure to wear something really nice."

"What do you think I'm going to wear? Sweatpants and a hoodie?"

"You know, even if you did, you would still be sexy as hell."

"Alright, save it for tonight, I'll see you at 7:30. Good bye, Rick."

"Until tonight, Kate."

She ended the call and licked her lips, thinking of Castle's cooking and what he might be planning to cook for dinner tonight; all the while remembering the taste of his lips and tongue. The wide excited smile on her face vanished the moment she realised that Brunswick was watching her; it seemed he had caught the end of the conversation. He had got himself a chair and was sitting on the other side of her desk.

"Sounds like you have quite a night planned, who is Rick?" He asked, a playful smile playing on his lips.

She scowled at him and he stopped smiling. So he wasn't as cocky as he seemed. "_Rick_ is none of your business, and neither is my social life."

He sighed. "You aren't a very friendly person, are you?"

She glared. "I just don't take very kindly to people who try to replace my partner, and by 'my partner' I don't mean you." She added when she saw a lame comeback on its way.

"He isn't coming back, Kate, he walked out on you, why do you even want him to come back?"

She slammed her hands down on her desk, standing up and leaning in close so that he could clearly see the anger in her eyes. "You don't know anything about what happened, and neither does the Captain. There is no one else like him and he _is _coming back, I promise you, just as soon as I figure out how to get rid of you. Oh, and by the way. It's. Beckett." She said her name heavily, making it clear that he did not have the right to be calling her Kate in the workplace.

She sat back down and pulled out a file for a case that was closed days ago, but she was going to pretend she still had paperwork to do so as to avoid a conversation with Brunswick. But after about an hour, she couldn't stand it anymore, he was just sitting there, staring at her, making bored noises every few minutes and it was driving her insane. She snapped the file shut, left her desk and stormed into the break room. She found Ryan and Esposito already there and she shut the door before Brunswick decided to follow her.

"Wow, girl, you really need to cool down, I mean I know the guy is annoying but you look like you're ready to strangle somebody." Esposito joked.

Beckett was about to throw a scowl his way when she realised he was right, she had no doubt that she was going to get this angry with Brunswick, but this quickly? She rolled her eyes, suddenly realising that she hadn't had her morning coffee yet...because Castle wasn't there. She had been getting her own coffee every day since Castle had left, but she hadn't had a chance to think about it yet today. It was almost 10 o'clock and there was no caffeine running through her system. She quickly set to work making herself a cup of coffee and took the time to be grateful for the espresso machine that Castle had bought for Homicide. She was never going to take him for granted ever again. She then started chugging down the hot liquid.

"Easy there, Beckett, you don't want to burn yourself." Ryan commented.

She swallowed the coffee and sucked in a breath of cool air. "Maybe I do."

"Come on, he can't be all that bad, maybe you should just ask to work alone." Esposito suggested.

Beckett was about to comment on that when she realised that they had no idea what had happened with Castle. "Um, guys, sorry I didn't get the chance to mention this before, but Castle and I patched things up and he is ready to come back at any time."

Both of them coughed, both having been stupid enough to take a sip of coffee while she told them something big. "You serious? He is really coming back?" Ryan asked.

"I told you so." Esposito said, sending a look that said just as much at his partner. Ryan grumbled, taking his wallet out of his pocket and handing over a 20. Beckett rolled her eyes.

"So, if Castle really is coming back, then we need to figure out a way to get rid of your new pal." The Hispanic detective grinned.

Beckett did the same. "So boys, how are we going to solve this case?" She raised an eye brow at them to add that sense of playful cunning.

"Oh no, in order to come up with something like this, we need the master."

Beckett smiled and pulled out her phone to call Castle. He picked up after only two rings. "Calling twice in one day in just as many hours? You must really be missing me."

"Shut up Castle, I'm putting you on speaker phone." So tried to hide her smile from the others.

"Hello?" Castle's voice, slightly manipulated by the phone, spread throughout the room.

"Hey Castle, good to hear you again." Ryan said happily, glad to hear the cheer in his friend's voice again.

"Castle, buddy, it's been too long." Esposito commented.

"Oh, I know, a week is far too long when you don't get to see my ruggedly handsome face isn't it?"

"Ok, Castle, stop playing around, we have work to do." Beckett said when she could see the conversation going off in any number of directions.

"Ooh, are we having a secret meeting here?" She rolled her eyes at his childish excitement.

"We are trying to come up with a plan on how to get rid of Detective Brunswick as Beckett's partner, and get you back in here where you belong." Esposito explained.

"Sounds like fun, I'm a little busy tonight, so how about tomorrow you guys all come over for a good old game of poker? Say around 8 o'clock? Or whatever time you guys get off should you catch a case." Castle offered.

"Sounds good, we'll be around tomorrow then."

"Alright, well I have things to do right now, so bye, see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

"See ya."

"Bye Castle."

Beckett ended the call and shared a smile with the boys, this was her team; these were her people. They finished up in the break room and all returned to their respective desks, much to Beckett's reluctance. Brunswick was still sitting there when she walked over with her coffee cup in her hand, she sat down at her desk and placed her cup down. Then she noticed Brunswick reaching over for her coffee cup. She pulled it out of his reach and stared at him like he was crazy.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I thought you got that coffee for me, you were in there for quite a while so I figured you'd already had your caffeine fix. Plus, you closed the door so I couldn't go in to get my own coffee." While it did make some sense, it was rude to have assumed that.

"Well the door is open now, so go get some."

He didn't move.

"What?" She asked him when she realised he was staring at her.

"You know, you should stop being such a bitch all the time, you are way too hot for that."

She looked at him with disgust, what the hell was wrong with this guy? He had clearly heard that she had a date tonight, so obviously she wasn't available, and yet he still spat out that almost insulting remark. "Let's just be clear about a few things ok? 1) While at work it is strictly Detective Brunswick and Detective Beckett, we are work colleagues so let's just keep it at that, 2) you can keep your comments to yourself because I am not interested at all, 3) don't sit in that chair, don't touch any of my stuff and don't listen in on my personal phone calls." She pointed to Castle's chair and scowled to help make her point.

He smirked at her and she felt gross. "So no dirty talk while at work huh? Then how about I see you after work?"

"You are unbelievable, and no; I'm seeing someone."

"Really? What is he like?"

"That is none of your business, now why don't you shut up before I smack that grin off your face."

He seemed surprised by her threat, and his grin did fall away, but he didn't stop leering at her for the rest of the day. When it came time for her to leave so she could get ready for her date tonight, Beckett grabbed her stuff and flew out the door before Joe had a chance to realise that she had left. She got home as quickly as she could and started getting ready.

With less than an hour to go, she found herself standing in her room going through every piece of clothing she had, trying to decide on what to wear. Well, he had said to wear something really nice, but how nice was really nice? There was a first date and then there was a first date with Richard Castle, which could mean something completely different. She finally settled on a nice pair of slim navy jeans and a low-cut, backless, laced up across the back, figure-fitting, short-sleeved black top that showed just enough but not too much. She admired the top in the mirror and grinned, Castle was going to go crazy when he saw her in this. She slipped into a pair of sexy black heels, let out her brown curls and then headed off to Castle's loft.__

**_Well, Brunswick is certainly going to be a handful isn't he? But enough of that, now it is time for the big first date between Rick and Kate._**


	10. 1st Date Or 4th Date?

_**So here is the chapter you guys have all been raving about, I hope it lives up to your expectations.  
><strong>_

Rick was just finishing up setting the scene, a quaint table big enough for two was sitting in the middle of the room; a nice red table cloth was draped over it. He had set up two small candles to burn softly in the centre of the table, hiding away in cups that glowed with the light from the flame. He placed two wine glasses on the table and quickly checked on the food when he heard a knock at the door. He looked over at the clock and smiled, 7:30, not a minute past.

Rick straightened his shiny dark blue dress top, checked his hair in the reflection of the oven and briskly made his way over to the front door. When he twisted the door handle and pulled the door open, he was speechless. Kate looked beautiful, her long twisted curls bouncing around her delicate face where he noticed she had applied a little mascara and a soft shade of lipstick, her chest rising and sinking with each breath; and those eyes. She was a vision of beauty, confidence...and hotness.

"Wow...you look gorgeous, Kate."

She blushed. "You're not so bad yourself, Castle."

Rick quickly stepped aside so that she could get through the door and he couldn't suppress the sound he made as he swallowed hard when she walked past him. Her back was completely exposed, or mostly, all except for the black ribbon that criss-crossed over her back; he picked out the thin black bra strap concealed under the ribbon and he had to try and remember how to breathe. He had to mentally kick himself in the head to get control of himself again so he could close the door and walk Kate to the table. She was amazed at how romantic and intimate he had made such an open room, the lights were still on but they were very dim, and she suddenly noticed a soft melody playing. When she saw the wine glasses she rolled her eyes, but smiled as well.

"Wow Rick, you really went all out tonight, music, candle-light; wine."

"Yes, well, I felt that this date was a little too special for my usual game-plan."

"And what might that be?"

"The kind of game-plan that involves spending a lot of money in one night, waking up in the morning with someone else in bed with me and then reading all about it on page 6; but you're not that sort of woman." He took a step closer to her, breathing in that scent of cherries. "You're not that kind of girl and you never will be."

"And how do you know that?" She asked while trying to keep her breathing even, she could feel his own hot breath on the back of her neck.

"I know that because I know you, I know you are far too intelligent, clever, gifted and real to ever be that sort of person. Of all the women I have ever dated, and that is quite a lot so I think I know what I'm talking about, there isn't a single one of them that could ever be as beautiful as you; inside and out."

Kate bit her lower lip to hide her grin, every time she heard him say something like that it made her heart beat faster. "You are such a charmer, aren't you?"

"I try."

They walked over to the table and Rick pulled out her seat for her, he had done this before but it felt special. She couldn't recall a single one of her past boyfriends who had done that for her, they had sometimes opened doors for her, usually footed the bill; but they had never gone so far as to pull out her seat for her when sitting down to a romantic dinner. She watched as Rick zipped over to the kitchen and she couldn't help but wonder what he had chosen to cook after all. When he returned, he placed two plates of spaghetti Bolognese down on the table and retrieved a bottle of red wine.

"1998 Chateau Neuf de Pape." He announced as he opened the bottle of expensive wine and poured it into their glasses.

He placed the wine in a bucket of ice on the counter and sat down across from Kate. He lifted up his glass and she did the same, lightly clinking them together before taking a sip. Kate savoured the taste of the rich red wine as it slipped down her throat, before placing her glass down and beginning to eat. The two of them ate quietly for a while, just sharing small talk here and there. Rick would make a joke every now and again and Kate wouldn't be able to stop smiling. They kept away from the topic of work, neither of them wanted to bring up the subject of her new partner tonight.

As they finished the food and quite a bit of the wine, Rick stood up to deliver their plates to the sink. When he came back he turned up the volume on the music and held his hand out to her. "May I have this dance?" He asked her, and she noticed that while his face was full of confidence and playful cunning, his eyes were filled with nervousness and hope.

Kate smiled warmly and slipped her hand into his. He pulled her to her feet, placed his left hand on her waist and led her into a slow waltz. The music was slow and gentle, but it made both of their hearts beat like crazy. They moved smoothly throughout the room, completely in sync with each other as they danced together; Rick made sure that they didn't move too quickly or wildly, afraid of hurting her by causing her surgery scar to pull. Their eyes were locked, green meeting blue, as they turned and swayed to the music. They stopped when Kate stumbled a little, falling into Rick, the wine and spinning starting to make her a bit dizzy.

They both laughed, sitting down on the couch together, Rick sitting on the corner with Kate cuddled up against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her a little closer, smiling as she continued to laugh.

"I think you've had enough wine for tonight, Kate."

"Probably more than enough." She laughed.

He loved the sound of her laugh, that look in her eyes when she was happy. He stared into her emerald eyes and she couldn't stop smiling, she bit her lower lip and grinned. He leaned closer and ever so softly brushed his lips against hers, she released her lip for the kiss and when he started to pull away she followed. His hand came up to cup her face as the kiss deepened, lips parting, tongues exploring; hands roaming. Before either of them knew it, they were in the same position they had found themselves in yesterday, Kate's leg wrapped around his waist, his hand running up and down her exposed back, his fingers leaving goose bumps in their wake. Her hands were tied around his neck, playing with his hair and stroking the back of his neck.

Something in the back of her head started telling her that this was going too quickly when she felt his hand slip underneath her shirt and start caressing her shoulders, but she really didn't care. She wanted him and he wanted her, they trusted each other, they were comfortable with each other; so why not let herself take that chance.

As his mouth left hers to trail kisses down the side of her neck, she chuckled softly. "This really isn't first-date behaviour is it?" She said playfully, making it clear that she didn't want him to stop, she was just having a little fun.

"What if we counted each year that we've known each other as a date?" He suggested, only pulling away long enough to say it before going back to kissing her neck.

"That would mean that this is our fourth date...I guess I can live with that." They both laughed, their lips coming together again.

His finger started to wind around the loose end of the ribbon and she grinned against his lips as he tugged on it a little. The knot held fast and when he tried and failed again, she took control. She slowly undid the buttons on his shirt and ran her long fingers down his torso from his chest to his abdomen; this simple action resulting in his arms going limp at his sides. She started to move against his body, rocking up and down and pulling a loud groan from his lips. They stood up off the couch and, still in a tangle of arms and legs, they started to make their way towards Rick's bedroom. Kate remembered where it was from when she had lived here and as she kicked the door open, Rick trapped her against the door frame, kissing her senseless. His hands crept lower and lifted up one of her legs to wrap around his waist. Without waiting for encouragement, she kicked off the ground and wrapped both legs tightly around his waist, wriggling a little against the bulge in his jeans.

She grinned deviously when he groaned and she clenched her legs together to pull his groin against hers harder. Rick was so distracted that they almost didn't make it over to the bed, but when she felt him fall back on her and the touch of the soft sheets of the bed, she wriggled into the middle of the king-sized bed and drawing him up with her. He settled in between her legs, running his hands up and down her thighs while his lips plundered her mouth. She pushed his shirt over his shoulders and arched her back so that he could get his hands underneath her lower back to undo the knot that held her top on. He didn't take long to release the ribbon and her top started to slip down her shoulders. He pulled her top away and started kissing down her jaw line to her neck. A black bra was all that was left of her torso, but as he kissed down her chest, she tensed.

"Stop...stop."

He immediately did as she asked and he looked up at her, searching her eyes for an answer of some sort. "Are you ok? I didn't hurt you did I?" He looked so worried, guilty of maybe having hurt her due to his selfish need for her.

She breathed deeply and kept her eyes locked on the ceiling, fighting back tears. "No, no, you didn't do anything wrong...it's just..."

He crawled up closer to her face, pulling himself away from where she didn't seem to want him to be. "It's just what?" He asked softly, stroking her head, giving her all the time she needed. There was along moment of silence before she found her voice again.

"The...the scar..."

He frowned for a moment before realisation hit him. She was terribly self-conscious of her scar from the shooting, and judging by the look on her face, she thought it was ugly; disgusting. Rick pulled back a little and placed a gentle kiss on her collarbone, then another further down and another, slowly kissing lower until he was just above the scar. He looked down at the circle of tortured flesh, slight burns around the edges. He leaned down and placed another kiss just above it.

"Rick...please." She whispered.

He paused for a second and then leaned back down and placed a loving kiss on top of her scar. He looked up to see tears running down her face and he wished that he could take that pain away from her. He kissed her scar again and looked up at her. "It's beautiful, Kate, it isn't ugly or horrid, it is just a mark. It carries a great pain with it and sometimes it might hurt, but it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't make you any different than before, you are still the beautiful, intelligent, selfless, caring, strong woman that I met years ago. It doesn't mean anything if you don't want it to, Kate, it is just a mark." He reached up to wipe the tears out of her face as he whispered gently to her.

Kate looked down at him and found she was able to breathe again. Rick saw a faint, weak smile cross her lips and he smiled back. He pulled himself up to lie beside her and he pulled her into a warm embrace. Kate buried herself in his arms and cried quietly against his bare chest. He rubbed her back soothingly and kissed the top of her head, all the while whispering sweet nothings to her. Whatever they had been building up to a few minutes ago was completely forgotten, the two of them slowly coming down from the heat they had created together and drifting into a calm silence.

Rick wished he had never let it get this far, he should have known better, they had only just gotten past her lie and his leaving; they were moving too quickly, they needed to slow down. He shouldn't have pushed her into this, even though she had wanted this as much as he did, he should have thought about what problems there could be for her. She had been through a lot in the past few months and he had been selfish and taken advantage of her willingness, he should have thought about her first. She started to drift off into sleep and he realised that she wouldn't be going home tonight, but she couldn't sleep like this.

Rick carefully lifted them both up and swung both of their legs over the edge of the bed. She groaned in complaint when he stepped away from her to grab something for her to wear. She was half-asleep when he returned to kneel in front of her with a comfortable T-shirt and a pair of track pants with pull-strings. She looked down at what he was holding in his hands and she managed a tired smile. She looked into his eyes and saw the silent question hidden in the deep blue. Kate started to undo the button and zipper on her jeans and she let Rick help her pull them off and to pull on the track pants, he helped her to her feet so he could pull them up over her hips and tie the knot. She sat back down again, quietly thanking Rick for making sure she didn't fall too fast, then it came time to put the shirt on. Rick pulled the shirt over her head and helped her put her arms through the sleeves. She was so tried and weak, everything that had happened in the past two weeks was sucking up her energy.

But before Rick could lay her down and tuck her in, she stopped him, knowing that she shouldn't sleep in her bra. She tried to tell him that but she was so tired and it was such an embarrassing thing to ask, but somehow he understood. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he slipped his hands underneath her shirt, undid the clasp, brought his hands back out, slipped them inside the sleeves and pulled the straps down and over her arms, freeing the constricting item and allow it to just fall to her lap. He still kept his eyes on hers as he picked up the bra and wrapped it in her jeans, placing them both at the end of the bed. She was impressed with how focused he had been, not even glancing away from her eyes as his large warm hands caressed her naked skin. He stood up then and helped her to lie down and get into the bed, pulling the covers up to her shoulders before grabbing something resembling sleep-wear and going into the en-suite bathroom to change out of respect.

When he returned, he thought that Kate would be fast asleep, but she was still awake and waiting for him. He slipped into the bed beside her and wrapped her up in his arms, kissing the top of her head and whispering a heart-felt goodnight to her before allowing himself to fall asleep. The last thing he said before he closed his eyes was, "I'm sorry, Kate."

_**Yeah, I know, but it would have been too soon, I told you there was still a few things they had to work through. Anyway, I would like to thank everyone who had reviewed this story or added it to their story alert and/or favourites list,I logged on today to discover this story has 68 reviews, 71 favourites and 174 alerts! The highest amount of alerts I've ever gotten on any of my stories was 57 so my mind was totally blown. Thank you guys so much for all your kind words of encouragement and thank you for making my day better every time you review. Now, onto that Brunswick character...  
><strong>_


	11. Night Terrors

_**So I guess it isn't too much to say that I think I got a little carried away with this chapter, I had originally started it off going in a completely different direction and then today I took one look at it, deleted everything and wrote this and now I am much happier with this than what I had before. It was nothing special so don't think you're missing out on anything, just the typical 'wake up in Castle's arms' fluff which is all good and fun, but I think it is time for a little more angst.  
><strong>_

Black. Dark. Cold. Alone. Kate was hugging her knees to her chest, her face was wet with tears but she didn't bother to wipe them away. She couldn't see anything, she couldn't hear anything, she had no idea where she was or what was going on. All she knew was that she was terrified. Suddenly, there was a glint of light in the distance, then the sound of a shot screamed in her ears, and then she heard the sound of a bullet slicing through flesh and she screamed. Her chest began to burn and her hands wiped all over her chest looking for the source of the bleeding...but there was nothing.

She heard something hit the floor and she screamed again, she still couldn't see anything but she knew that there was now a dead body lying at her feet. Then a mobile phone began to ring, lying on the floor, the light of the screen switching on and off with each ring, over and over again. The brief flashes of light allowed her to see where she was, she was back in the elevator, trapped between the floors. Once she realised where she was, she cast her eyes down to her feet at the body. She choked on a shocked scream and her eyes were so wide her face began to hurt. It was Castle lying at her feet, a bullet hole in his head. His blue eyes were open wide, his pupils were white and his face was full of fear and pain. The bullet had exited out the back of his head and his blood was beginning to spread. Before she had time to breathe, her legs were soaked in the hot blood of her partner as she moved forward and leaned over him.

Tears spilled from her face and mixed with his blood, the sight before her was choking her, killing her from the inside out. Her mouth was wide open as if she was trying to call out to him, but all she could do was make a strangled gasp. She traced the side of his face with her hands and tried to brand the exact shade of blue of his eyes to her memory because she knew that this was the last time she would ever get to see them. She closed his eyes when she couldn't stand looking at them anymore, they weren't the eyes she knew, they had no life, no light, no childish innocence; they were dead and grey and empty.

Why was he dead? Why had he been shot? And then realisation hit her like a punch to the throat, he was dead because of her, he had been shot by the same sniper who had tried to kill her. It was all her fault, he had only wanted to protect her, to keep her safe and for his bravery and loyalty and love...he had lost his own life. He was dead...but she was still alive. She began to scream, kicking and slamming her fists on the ground. It should be her lying there, he didn't deserve this. Why was she still alive? Why wouldn't he shoot her too? She looked for the glint she had seen before and started screaming at the shadows.

"Kill me too! Don't leave me like this...kill me too!" The tears were falling so fast she couldn't see a thing, her phone was still ringing but she didn't care who it was. She didn't want help, she didn't want to get out of here...she wanted to die. "KILL ME! Just end it! SHOOT ME!" She continued to scream and shout, begging to be killed; but her cries went unanswered in the silent darkness.

Suddenly, Rick's hand latched around her wrist and held tight, she screamed in shock when his head turned to look at her, his eyes still as dead as before. "Kate..." His voice was weak and dry and it scared the living shit out of her. He then rose up onto his knees and moved towards her while she tried to scuffle away. He trapped her in the corner of the elevator and placed his cold clammy hands on either side of her face. "Kate...wake up...you're dreaming...you need to wake up!" She couldn't look away from those terrifying eyes, how could his eyes be so cold and empty? This couldn't be happening!

"Kate! Wake up! Wake up Kate, please!" Her head shook wildly from side to side before her eyes flew open, drowned in horror and tears. She didn't want to see those eyes again, she couldn't handle that, but as she looked through the darkness, she didn't see lifeless eyes, she saw deep blue ones, his pupils darker than ebony and glittering tears looking down at her. She looked around frantically wanting to know where she was, when she realised that she wasn't in the elevator, she was in Castle's bed in his room, she breathed for the first time since she had woken up.

Rick had his hands on her face, leaning over her and when he saw her chest move with her breath, he released a deep shuddering breath that he had been holding onto since her eyes had opened. "Kate? Are you ok?" He asked her quietly, brushing wisps of hair out of her face. That was when Kate realised that she was caked in sweat, her hair was everywhere, tied around her face, and as she looked down at herself she noticed that she had actually ripped the stitching on the T-shirt, the left sleeve was torn exposing her shoulder. She felt like she was about to go mad, but when she looked up into those very much alive blue eyes again she started to regain her sanity. She leapt up from the bed and tied her arms around Rick's middle, holding onto the back of his shirt in tight fists. She held him so close and so tight that it was a little bit hard to breathe, but he didn't care.

She buried her face against his chest and gritted her teeth together painfully to keep from screaming. Rick wrapped his arms around her just as tightly and kissed her head, whispering calming nonsense into her ear. She was soaked in hot sweat and she was shaking violently, what the hell had she been dreaming about? She began to cry, her voice coming out as a strangled sob.

"Don't leave me, don't leave me please...stay with me, Rick, don't go...please don't go." She begged him over and over again and the very sound of her voice like this broke his heart. He held her face and forced her to look at him before kissing her powerfully. When he pulled back, his own face was wet with her tears.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you Kate, I will never leave you. I will stay with you, I will not leave you. Never." He kissed her again and pulled her back into a tight embrace. By the sounds of her breathing, she was beginning to calm down a little, but she still clung to him like her life depended on it...maybe it did right now. "I've got you, Kate, you're safe; you're ok...I got you, I'm not going anywhere...I'll protect you, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He kissed her face, lips and head. He couldn't stand to see like this, she was so very scared and vulnerable. But he was going to keep his promise, he was going to keep her safe, he wasn't going to let anything happen to her.

When she started to breathe slower he started to think that things might have begun to calm down, but then he heard a suppressed sob, groaning and a sharp intake of breath. He pulled back just enough to look down at her. Her brow was furrowed deeply and she was biting the hell out of her lower lip. She was in pain, physical pain, and she was holding her wrist. He gently took hold of her forearm beneath where the pain seemed to be and he inspected the damage. She let him have her arm and she looked away in shame, turning her head as far as it would go.

"Kate, what the hell happened?" Her wrist was badly bruised and from the sounds she was making and the look on her face, it was very painful. He looked around and noticed a dent in the headboard of the bed, shit, she must have slammed her wrist into the wood while she was thrashing and twisting. "I should take you to the hospital, you might have broken the bone." She immediately pulled her arm away and curled up, cradling her injured arm in her lap.

"No, I don't want to go..."

"Kate, you might have seriously hurt yourself, we need to get it checked out."

"No." She was trying to make it sound like a command, but it came out as a whimpering protest.

"Either I take you to the hospital or I call Lanie."

She glared at him, knowing that that was on the brink of blackmail, but she knew they were her only choices. "Fine...but can I get cleaned up first?" She asked, using her other arm to wipe away the sticky sweat on her forehead.

"You can't do it alone, not with you wrist being in so much pain."

Kate was silent for a few minutes, tying to think up an argument, but he was right, her wrist was at its worst right now: no pain killers, no treatment and no bandage or brace to keep it straight. She wouldn't be able to concentrate on washing while in that much pain and it would seriously limit her movement of her shoulder and torso. "Then help me."

"Kate..."

"Look, I know you've done so much for me already and you are still trying to do so much for me and I don't have the right to ask anything of you...but please don't make me go in there like this, please." She felt disgusting, her skin was crawling and she felt like she wanted to be sick. A vision of Rick's lifeless eyes looking down at her shot through her mind and she leapt off the bed and ran into the bathroom as fast as she could.

She swung her left arm onto the front of the toilet and used it to hold herself up as her other arm was useless. She felt tears run down her face as she threw up the wonderful dinner Rick had made for her, and then he was there holding back her long hair and stroking the top of her head gently to comfort her. She threw up two more times before she was finished, she was shaken, confused, scared, crying with sadness, covered from head to toe in a thick layer of sticky sweat and now she had the vile taste of vomit in her mouth to top it off. Not to mention her wrist was killing her, this night just couldn't get any worse could it? She took a few deep breaths and waited for her heart to stop pounding so furiously, she was absolutely exhausted and she found that she no longer had the strength to keep herself up. She slumped onto the floor and breathed heavily.

"Now I have no choice but to clean you up, don't I?"

She just managed to make a faint laughing sound, he was trying to pick things up as best he could. She had to stop taking him for granted, she was going to stop, no more. What if he hadn't been here with her? What if she had been at home? She had had that nightmare before, but she had never had it quite that bad. Kate had no idea what she would have done without him right now. She had no energy to get up, so Rick lifted her into his arms and carried her into the shower.

He removed his shirt and socks and rolled up his pants over his knees before stepping in with her, he placed her so that her back was to him and he started to take off her sweat-soaked clothes. He made sure she was out of the way of the spray before he turned on the water and only when he had got it set to the perfect temperature did he help her get into the water. Because of the pain in her wrist, Kate wasn't able to hold herself up as she sat on the shower floor, so she laid herself down on the cool tile and just focused on breathing in and out, in and out again; the water splashing onto her face and washing away the dirt and grime, but not choking her as she thought it might.

"Kate, I know...you need to sit up." He told her quietly, he didn't want to push her, but she wasn't going to get clean just lying on the floor.

"Ok..." She slowly pushed herself up using one arm and positioned herself so that she was sitting straight and not slouching, using her back for support instead of her arms. She felt her hair being brushed over her shoulder and she glanced down at the handful of curls, still relatively dry, but covered in droplets like a spider web after rain. She felt warm hands running soap up and down her back and massaging the soap around and releasing the tension in her shoulders. It was like heaven, his hands running up and down her back, washing away the horror of her dream. He was sitting behind her now, mixing shampoo into her hair, massaging her scalp and making her purr.

A faint smile lit up his lips at the sound and he spent a little longer than needed washing the shampoo out and putting in the conditioner. Her eyes were closed for most of the shower and she hummed and purred at his touch. He got her to stand up so he could wash down her legs, never looking at her front, his hands never straying. She was completely naked and at his mercy and yet he was still a gentleman, Kate couldn't believe how much restraint he had and it was very nearly almost beginning to annoy her; but only a tiny bit. When he stood up straight again and made sure all of the conditioner was out of her hair, she leaned back against him and he wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her up. He was careful not to put any pressure on her scar, but he did take this chance to get a look at it. It wasn't very pretty, but it had saved her life. The nice 6cm long scar down her left side was still painful for her if she moved her body the wrong way, but there was no emotional trauma associated with that scar, it was the one that sat between her breasts that made her panic and cry.

She just stood there for a while, leaning into his hold, feeling too weak to hold herself up. She became aware of the water being turned off and a nice big warm towel being wrapped around her, actually, it was really warm, like almost hot. She looked around to look at the rack it had been hanging on and noticed it was shiny metal and there was something plugged into the wall just below. He had a towel heater, she wasn't surprised at all, but she did catch herself thinking about never leaving his apartment. The heat from the towel was just perfect, surrounding her with a sense of comfort and safety, just like his arms did. He helped her step out of the shower, sat her down on the bathroom stool after handing her a second towel and then slipped back into the bedroom to find something for her to wear. He returned with her bra and jeans so that she would have something to put on so she wouldn't be sitting completely naked in the bathroom while he dug through his drawers.

He found a small black skivvy that was always too tight for him to wear but he figured it would be alright for Kate. She smiled warmly at him when he brought her the top, her appearance certainly wasn't very high on her priority list right now, but the fact that he was thinking about her feelings towards simply walking into the hospital and being injured and was trying to ease that for her by finding something relatively nice for her to wear warmed her heart. He helped her to dry off and to get dressed and still didn't let his hands or eyes stray.

The shirt he had given her was snug, a little big of course and the sleeves hung over her hands, but it looked a lot better than what she had been wearing before. He found her a pair of slippers to wear since there was no way she was walking around in heels right now, and they both silently stepped out into the hallway together. It was only when Rick had closed the door that Kate even thought about the rest of his family. She felt really stupid now, had his family heard her crying out in the middle of the night? Did they know she was spending the night?

"Rick...um, where is Alexis and Martha?" It seemed like the stupidest thing to be asking right now, but she was very grateful when he responded, starting a conversation that would help distract her.

"Alexis is on a camp, she'll be away for the rest of the week, and mother is at some sort of retreat with her acting class."

She was thankful that no one else had been witness to this, and she was even more thankful when Rick put a warm coat around her shoulders and stood right beside her the whole time on their way to the car. She hoped in the passenger side without a word and remained silent until they had reached the hospital. No matter what might need his attention, he always made sure she was ok before doing anything. It was something like 3am when they stepped out of the cold darkness and into the blindingly bright building. It was pretty quiet tonight so they didn't have to wait too long, Rick did most of the talking, simply saying it was just an accident, she had had a bit much to drink, they were mucking about when she had stumbled and hit her wrist on the coffee table. Kate didn't like the plot where she was too drunk to control herself, but she preferred it over what had really happened.

It didn't matter anyway, they didn't have to stay for too long, it turned out she had just sprained her wrist a bit and all she needed was to bandage it up for a few weeks and it would be good as new. The doctor showed her how to properly bandage her wrist so that she could do it from home, and while he was doing this Kate couldn't help but notice Rick standing against the wall, blinking his left eye a little more than usual. Had he been doing that all night? If so then why was she only noticing it now? He realised that she was staring at him and he turned her face away from her, only making her more concerned. Was his eye hurt? What if she had hit him when she was twisting and turning in her sleep? Oh god, if she had hit him...this night hadn't gotten worse, she just had to jinx it didn't she? Not only was she suffering one of the most embarrassing nights of her life but the man who was helping her get through all this was suffering from what might turn out to be a black-eye thanks to her.

Then the doctor turned to Rick to talk about pain meds and such and he noticed his weird blinking too. Rick bit back a bad word or two when the doctor insisted on checking out his eye and announced that he was going to have a bruise in the morning. He had been trying to keep Kate from finding out about it, she had enough on her plate right now she didn't need the guilt of having punched him in the face while she slept. The doctor suddenly looked a little suspiciously at them and frowned.

"Why don't you tell me what actually happened tonight."

Kate bit her lip, the last thing she wanted was to have to tell a medical expert that she was having horrible nightmares that were causing her to lash out in her sleep, there was so much that she did not want to deal with right now; and then Rick answered in the most truthful voice she had ever heard a lie be told in.

As they were walking back to the car, Kate couldn't keep the smile off her face and she gently shoved Rick with her shoulder, getting his attention along with a raised eye brow.

"Twister? Seriously? Do I honestly strike you as the kind of girl who likes to play Twister?" She joked about the story he had told.

"You strike me as the kind of girl who is up for anything."

They kept the banter coming for as long as they could, Kate trying not to think about the events of that night and Rick understanding that this was what she really needed right now. She had broken down twice in one night, first about him seeing her scar and then about her nightmare. But she just didn't have the energy to hold herself together tonight, she was absolutely exhausted and stressed out because of Detective Brunswick and Castle not being there for comedic relief and the nightmares and...just the everything. It felt like her head was about to explode, it was too much going on at one time and now she had punched Rick in the face. She felt like smacking her head against a brick wall just to see if it helped, she remembered a phrase that went 'why do I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop', she couldn't help comparing that statement to her current situation, wondering when the world was going to stop hitting her in the head with a hammer.

The phrase sounded mildly entertaining in a way but when her homicide detective mind kicked in and made it visual, she felt like being sick again.

_**Wow that was long, so I've set up some more stuff for these two to deal with and once again I lied, Detective Brunswick did not make an appearance in this chapter, I know you guys must be thrilled about that, but I do think he will be in the next chapter so enjoy this peace while it lasts. I do promise that Kate is going to actually stop being a self-centred narcisist and actually contribute to this relationship, but there are still a few bumps ahead.**_


	12. The Secret Is Out

_**A little more angst, a little more fun and a plan that can only end well...right?  
><strong>_

Rick took her back to his place, but even though it was still the middle of the night, he didn't take her back to the bedroom. Instead they cuddled up on the couch, wrapped in a nice warm blanket while some old movie played in the background. She didn't want to go back to sleep, not tonight, images of her dream were still running through her mind and scaring the shit out of her, she wished she could just forget the dream, but it was burned into her memory.

"Do you want to talk about that nightmare you had?"

Her head whipped around suddenly, her lips parting, ready to say no, but the look on his face was making it really hard. "Not really."

"Kate, that was one hell of a bad dream, I have known you for more than three years, I've seen the best and the worst of you, through thick and thin; but I have never seen you look so terrified before."

She looked away from him, resting her chin on her opposite shoulder. "I can't...I don't want to talk about it...don't, just don't...please don't make me..."

"Kate, look at me."

He placed his hand gently on her chin and pulled her face around, but she kept her eyes averted. He tried to get her to look at him but she refused, squeezing her eyes shut when he held her face up to him. "What did I do that is so bad you won't even look at me? What did I do in your dream?" She could hear his voice getting stronger, angrier, almost pleading; he was losing patience with her now and after what he had seen tonight she couldn't blame him for wanting to know what was going on.

"You...you got shot in the head and bled out in front of me, ok! You got shot because of me, the bullet was meant for me but it was so dark you got shot instead...I couldn't stop...you..."

And then somehow he understood. She wouldn't look at him because she was so afraid of what she had seen in her dream, afraid that her mind would trick her into seeing it again if she looked at him.

"Kate, I'm alive, I am not dead, it's safe; you can open your eyes." She slowly lifted her eye lids and looked up into his very alive blue orbs.

Her heart began to calm and her body relaxed, but she couldn't stop looking at his eyes now. A few small tears slipped down the sides of her face and he gently brushed them away. He eventually managed to faintly smile down at her and she felt the heavy weight of her dreams and fears melting away in the light of his gaze. How was it that his eyes alone could make everything seem alright again?

"Kate, I promise you that I will not leave you...as long as you promise not to leave me."

Was that commitment? It sounded like commitment, like something very big and scary and meaningful. It was something that he was willing to give to her and that he needed back, this was a big and scary thing that he needed from her; but was she ready to give it? "I promise." It was hard to say and a part of her immediately wanted to run out the door, but if she just kept running she was going to lose everything. She had to stop running away and face her fears head on, take a stand and stick to it.

He may not be as hurt and messed up as she was right now, but he was still hurt and messed up and if she couldn't seem to do anything to help herself then she was going to help him. He smiled wildly at her through glassy eyes and she laid her head on his chest and hugged him to her. It meant as much to her as it did to him, and that smile on his face was already erasing the horrific images from her mind. Three little magical words started bubbling up inside of her, but she wasn't quite ready to say them out loud.

They stayed there, snuggled up on the couch together, for the rest of the night. Kate did doze off for about an hour, but Rick continued to kiss her head and stroke her arm, keeping that smile on her face and keeping the nightmares away. He didn't really need the sleep, he was a writer, he was used to staying up all night writing stuff, it kind of came with the territory. The winter sun came up late and Castle knew that Kate would have to leave now if she wanted to get to work, but she was still sleeping. He really didn't want to wake her, but if she didn't either get to work or call in sick, someone was going to call her and cause her even more stress. Maybe what she needed was a few days off.

"Kate...wake up sleeping beauty." He quietly whispered, gently bringing her out of her dreamless state.

"Hmm? What time is it?"

"I'm guessing it is sometime after 8."

"What?" She immediately sat up and rubbed her face. "Why didn't you wake me? I have to be at work in...actually I think I should already be there." She buried her face in the palm of her hands and groaned.

"You know you could always just take the day off, call in sick, maybe even take a few days off." He suggested.

The look she gave him told him he was crazy, but slowly her face began to soften and she started to smile at the thought of taking some time off work, she really could use a little break. She scurried around until she found her phone and she called one of the only people she trusted at work anymore.

"Yo, Beckett, running a little late today are we?"

"Shut up Esposito, I am so not in the mood for this right now."

"Hey, you don't sound to good, are you feeling ok?"

"No, I feel like crap, which is why I'm calling. Can you let the Captain know that I won't be coming in for a few days?"

"Sure, but first you gotta tell me what happened to you?"

"I got sick, ok, I didn't get any sleep, I forgot to eat and now I'm sick, is that good enough for you?" She snapped. It wasn't really the truth, but it wasn't really a lie either, her stomach was empty because she'd chucked up everything she had eaten last night and they had lost half a night's sleep cleaning her up and taking her to the hospital. Esposito didn't need to know anymore than what she had just told him...although he could know it without her snapping at him, she supposed.

"Easy, I'll let the Captain and your new boy toy know, hope you feel better soon."

"Esposito, if you dare-" She was cut off by the beeping of the call ending. The next time she saw him he was a dead man.

She placed the phone on the coffee table and ran a hand through her messy curls, scratching her head absentmindedly. She glanced over her shoulder at Rick and saw the look of concern and sweetness that existed there and she felt herself begin to smile. She thought about lying back against him and curling up in his arms, but he had been right by her side for so many hours now, filled with so much intimacy and caring that she was beginning to feel that familiar need for space. It was just the kind of person she was, when things got difficult and scary she just needed a little time to sort through things.

She slowly got to her feet and headed towards the kitchen, feeling the need for some caffeine.

Esposito cut off the call before Beckett could finish her threat, leaving him with a grin. He let Ryan know that Beckett wasn't coming in for a while and then went to tell the Captain. Ryan pulled himself out of his chair and stepped into the break room, having a feeling that today was going to be slow and very tedious. Beckett was gone, so there wasn't any work for them, because she always found something for them to do, Castle hadn't been here in forever so there was no point in hoping for today to be at least a little bit fun and in his place was a certain cocky asshole who had been trying to make Beckett's life hell ever since he had arrived.

Pouring the delicious coffee into a cup, Ryan almost had a smile on his face; that was until Detective Brunswick walked in.

"Anyone seen Becks around today?" He asked, almost pushing Ryan out of the way of the espresso machine.

Ryan's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, although Joe didn't notice. If Beckett had heard the nickname he had just used for her, she would be breaking every one of his fingers until he swore never to give her a nickname again. It was a good thing she wasn't here today. "She isn't coming in for a few days, fell sick." He quickly explained.

"Oh really?" The tone in which he used made Ryan pause in his hasty exit and look at him curiously.

"What?"

Esposito walked in just in time to hear Joe's reply. "I overheard a conversation she had yesterday on the phone, sounded like she was getting ready to go on a date, and now she isn't coming in? It doesn't take a halfwit to figure out what's going on there."

Ryan and Esposito weren't entirely sure where Brunswick was going with this, or more, they didn't want to get caught by Beckett thinking about it. "So what's going on?" Esposito asked more for a confirmation than an actual question.

"Well obviously last night must have gone pretty damn well and now she wants to stay in bed for the rest of the day." He chuckled lowly, clearly imagining exactly what she would be spending her day doing while in bed.

The boys were disgusted by his crude sense of humour and were not at all impressed with what this jack hole thought of their boss and friend. "You should have more respect for your partner, bro, talking like that about her isn't going to get you anywhere good." Esposito warned.

Brunswick finished making his coffee and turned to face the other detectives. "Come on, are you two really telling me you have thought of Kate like that?" The cocky grin on his face was sickening.

"Not everyone is a sick perverted asshole like you, doesn't matter anyway, even if you weren't an asshole you wouldn't have a chance." Ryan surprised his partner by going on the offensive, simply insulting the guy instead of replying to his question.

"Really? You think I haven't got a chance with her? We'll see about that."

Ryan and Esposito walked out of the break room with matching smirks on their faces, they couldn't wait for Beckett to get back, this guy would be rolling on the floor crying like a baby in no time. They couldn't wait. Joe didn't seem like the type to respect personal space, so it wouldn't take long for Beckett to slam his face on the desk, twisting his arm behind his back. If only Castle was back, it would be so much more fun if he was here. They both got back to their desks and sat down before suddenly freezing.

"He said she went on a date, right?" Ryan asked over his shoulder to his partner.

"He said date." Esposito confirmed.

Brunswick stepped out a minute later and Esposito quickly called to him. "Hey, did you catch the guy's name? The one she went out with last night?"

"Yeah, I think his name was Rick." He then continued walking away to the other side of the bull pen.

Ryan and Esposito looked at each other, grinned knowingly and nodded. "So she's sick, huh?" Ryan said.

"Yeah, I'm not buying it either." The Hispanic detective said as he pulled out his phone to call a certain M.E. who would be very interested in this news.

"Shit!"

"Here, let me do that."

Kate stepped back and let Castle handle the coffee, rubbing her sprained wrist while trying to keep her anger contained. This was one of the things she hated the most about being hurt, she couldn't manage to do simple things like pour coffee into a cup without help. She wouldn't be able to use her right hand for at least two weeks, which meant that she couldn't do any paperwork, couldn't handle her gun; she couldn't even take down suspects. She couldn't do anything and it was pissing her off!

"Goddamn it!" She exclaimed again, stopping herself just in time from slamming her fists on the kitchen counter. Now that wasn't going to help, was it?

"Swearing about it isn't going to help."

"You think I'm swearing? I haven't even begun to swear yet!"

"Well then how about you stop before you start?"

Kate bit back a comeback that was only going to start an argument which was something that neither of them needed right now. She wanted to be more grateful, she needed to stop using him as her personal punching bag, but it was a really hard thing to do when she was in such a bad temper. She tried to calm herself down, but having no outlet for her anger was making her feel sick again; which only made her even angrier.

Rick could see the conflict in her eyes and slowly took a step towards her. Her eyes shot up, she almost seemed paranoid that he was about to try something. He could see it in her eyes right now, she didn't want to be held; she didn't want to be touched. But sometimes you had to bypass the wants and go straight to the needs.

"Just take a seat, ok?"

She did as she was told, facing away from him so that she wouldn't be tempted to let her anger out at him; he was the last person who deserved that. She couldn't see what he was doing, so when his hands landed on her shoulders she tensed.

"Just try and relax, Kate."

His voice was soft and soothing and when he started to rub his thumbs between her shoulder blades, she felt the anger and vigilance start to leave her body. She let her body go almost limp, rocking in time with his movements. She closed her eyes and focused on the feel of his hands on her shoulders and neck. He worked slowly and thoroughly, releasing all the tension from her back and shoulders before moving up to her neck. He traced his fingertips over her neck and she purred with satisfaction, craning her head to one side to give him better access. He took this as an opportunity to place a gentle kiss just under her ear, making her whimper, begging for more. He continued to massage her neck and shoulders while trailing soft kisses down the side of her neck. He loved the little sounds she was making, they were adorable and the way she was biting her lip made it look so very kissable. He could feel the heat building in her body and he knew he needed to put it to a stop before it got out of control, or they would end up exactly where they had found themselves last night.

He continued to kiss her neck, but more softly now, and instead of rubbing her neck, he started to very gently run the tip of his fingernail around in circles, taking it down under her collar at the back of her neck. She pulled away immediately, laughing freely; covering her neck with her hand where he had tickled her. He smiled cheekily at her, making her smile even more along with rolling her eyes.

"Feel better now?" He asked.

"Yes, thank you, Rick."

"Glad to be of service." He did a little mock bow and spun on his heel to grab the coffee from the counter behind him.

He placed one mug down in front of Kate and sat beside her with his own. They drank in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. Things were pretty ok until a thought struck the smile right off Kate's face.

"Rick, I won't be able to use my wrist for two weeks, I don't think I can last that long. I'm right-handed, I do everything with my right hand and now it is useless to me. What am I going to do?"

"The doctor said to keep it wrapped up for two weeks, he didn't say you couldn't use it for two weeks. You should give it a day or two, try some of those wrist exercises he showed you and you should be able to write without too much pain."

"So I don't have to keep away from work for two weeks, I just need to come up with a good story to explain how I sprained my wrist."

"Easy, you twisted it while doing yoga, hoping it might make you feel less sick."

She gave him a suspicious look for a moment before remembering the time he had shown up at her apartment and she had told him that she had been doing yoga to keep his mind away from dirty corners. "So I got sick, stayed home and did some yoga and ended up spraining my wrist?"

"Exactly, you were sicker than you thought and you slipped or something."

"I suppose that will work, and it would also explain my attitude and why I snapped at Esposito this morning."

"Precisely, you can bitch and boss as much as you like and blame it on your wrist being in pain."

"Will you come too?"

He paused for a few minutes before responding. "What about that Brunswick guy? And Gates? If I turn up she'll probably kick me out."

"Then just don't show up at the precinct, come to the crime scenes and we can go somewhere like Remy's to sit and talk about the case instead of standing in front of the white board."

"Ah, so I will be the sneaky, shadowy character hiding in the background?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, you can be all super-secret undercover spy." The giddy smile on his face made her laugh.

"So what shall we do until then?"

Kate looked over at him and a cheeky smile spread across her face.

_**Yes, I am bored of writing in Castle's loft so I am taking them back to the precinct. Beckett is going to have two partners and only one of them has full rights when it comes to Beckett, and Brunswick is not that one; fun times ahead. So it was nice to see Kate at least trying to open up about her nightmare, I gotta say, that dream even scared me when I was writing it.  
><strong>_


	13. More Than Meets the Eye

**_I got a review asking me to continue this story a while ago (I honestly completely forgot it ever existed) so I went back and looked at my notes, reread the full story and realised that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing or where I was going with all this. And then suddenly BOOM! A few weeks ago, the ending just came to me like that! So even though it has been nearly three years, I am back, better, and here to stay till the very end. My deepest apologies for leaving you wonderful guys hanging for so very long, but now that I am back, I have a lot more experience and so I hope the following chapters will help make up for my cruel and vicious crimes._**

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><p>"Faster Rick, come on, faster, faster"<p>

"Maybe if you moved your leg a bit, Kate"

"Come on; hit it harder, faster, faster"

"Just a little more! Nearly there!"

"Come on, come on, come on, YES!"

"Booyah! New high score!"

Rick dropped the XBOX controller on the coffee table and leaned back, having rather limited movement of his body with Kate's legs on his lap. It would have been fine had she not decided to have them bent, her knees up against his chest, it made game-playing rather awkward. But she was smiling and laughing and so it really didn't matter. Kate couldn't play the game with her injured wrist, and she wasn't really into video games anyway, but she was more than happy to sit back and watch Rick either kick ass or get his ass kicked. She was still laughing when his eyes locked on her, gazing at her lovingly.

"What?" She asked with a stunningly beautiful smile.

"Nothing, it's just...you look so beautiful when you smile."

Her cheeks burned red and she tried to hide her shy grin behind her curtain of hair, but it spread across her face so wide it couldn't be hidden. Rick slowly reached out and tucked her curls behind her ear, the look in his eyes warmed her heart, he was looking at her as if she were the most amazing creature in the world and she found herself feeling just a little bit shy. They started to lean into each other when the front door suddenly burst open.

"Richard, I'm home and I could use some help with my bags if you would be so kind as to...oh, Kate." Martha stumbled in the door with far too much grace considering how many bags were hanging off her arms, and when she spotted Kate sitting on the couch with her legs in Rick's lap she smiled wildly.

"Mother? I thought you weren't going to be home until after one"

"In case you haven't noticed, it is now 2:30, dear; I did a little quick shopping before I came home. Now, if you are quite done I would like to greet Katherine properly"

Kate and Rick shared a peculiar look with each other, wondering whether they should be worried or not as Kate got up from the couch and was immediately pulled into a hug. "Hi Martha, it's nice to see you again." Kate said nervously. Being hugged wasn't really her thing but Martha was certainly a big fan of them.

"Oh, and it is wonderful to see you again, Kate, may I ask what your intentions towards my son are?"

Kate's eyes widened and Rick jumped up from the couch with a look of shock on his face. "Mother!" To which Kate couldn't help but laugh just a little.

"I am here as a friend, Martha, we were just hanging out." Kate explained.

Rick could understand her desire for some privacy between them, after all, if she just told his mother they were dating she would probably throw a party for them or something, but he also knew that this would be the same at work and he hated the idea of being that close to her all the time and not being able to kiss her or touch her face; especially now that he knew the feel and taste of her lips against his.

"Oh, well, don't let me invade on your day together, I'll just get these bags upstairs and then I am off again, I have a late lunch date"

Before either of them could respond, Martha had flown up the stairs with all the bags and come back down with only her purse, ready to head right out again. She happily flittered over to Kate to wrap her up in a second bear hug, but when she went to kiss her son goodbye, she stopped.

"Richard, what on earth happened to your eye?"

Kate tensed, squeezing her eyes shut with guilt.

"I coerced Beckett into a game of Twister and..." Castle drew out the last word in the way a child would when telling their parent why they failed a test at school. Kate failed to effectively hide her smile of amusement.

Martha looked over her shoulder at Kate, looking for any indication that she was also injured. That was when her eyes fell on the inch of cotton bandage that could be seen from under Kate's long sleeves, pulled down to her knuckles.

"Oh Kate, are you alright?" Martha asked, gently grasping the injured hand in her own and bringing it up for her aged eyes to get a better look. She pulled down the ebony sleeve of Kate's turtleneck, turning the wrist from side to side as carefully as she could, staring at it as though she could see right through the bandage.

"I'll be fine, it hurts but I'll be fine"

Martha released her hand and immediately spun around to glare at her son. "Richard Alexander Rodgers, how could you be so careless as to get Katherine hurt?"

Castle cringed under the scolding tone of his mother, but he jumped in with more to say when he saw the guilt on Kate's face. "It was an accident, it was just a game, I didn't know we were gonna get hurt"

"Well playing a game like that at your age is beyond foolish, Richard, you should know that at least. Have you apologised to her yet?"

This was already too far and Kate decided she couldn't take it anymore. If Martha made her son apologise to her for something that she was guilty of, she was going to break down in tears. "That's not what happened, Martha, I had a bad dream and accidently hit Castle in the face. We weren't playing any games, he was just trying to take care of me and I hit him"

The silence that followed only made the guilt worse, coiling in her stomach making Kate feel sick again. She normally had a stronger stomach than this, but she was beginning to realise that everyone had to slow down at some point and let themselves heal. This was her time to do that.

She was waiting for the anger, for the protective-motherly scolding, but instead she got another hug; this one was longer and far more comforting than the last ones. She realised with surprise after a moment that it was Martha who was hugging her and she suddenly found herself very vexed.

"Oh Katherine, that sounds terrible. I can't imagine what you must have been dreaming to cause you to do something like that. I do hope Richard has been taking good care of you"

"You're not angry with me? For punching your son in the face for no reason?"

Martha sighed. "No, of course not, dear, this was an accident, you didn't mean it, and as for Richard having a black eye, I'm sure he has done more than enough in the past three years to deserve one punch"

"Hey!" Castle whined.

"Don't give me that, all the annoying things you do, it's a wonder you having driven this girl mad given all the time you spend following her around"

Kate would have laughed at their antics if she wasn't still recovering from the shock of Martha's attitude and instant forgiveness.

"Weren't you supposed to be going somewhere?" Castle asked his mother, his eyes half-lidded with exhaustion from this conversation.

"Oh, yes, I have a lunch date. I'll be off then!" Like a whirlwind, the red-haired hurricane picked up her bag, gave them each a hug and flew out the door. "Have fun kids! Don't wait up!" Were her final words before closing the door.

There was only one word that Kate could think to say after that. "Wow"

"You have no idea, try living with her everyday"

This time she did laugh.

The two of them returned to the couch and had just gotten back into a comfortable spot when Kate's phone started ringing. She groaned at the sound, getting off the couch to retrieve the stupid thing from the kitchen counter where she had left it earlier and returning to her spot in Castle's lap.

"Hey Lanie, what's going on?" She allowed her fatigue to slip into her voice, hoping that was enough to convince Lanie that she really was sick.

"What's going on is you have some explaining to do, girl. I heard you went on a date with a 'Rick' last night and now you're taking the day off? I want answers now!"

Halfway through this Kate had tipped her head back and brought her free hand to her temple; smacking herself in the face. Castle had sought to comfort her by placing a hand on her shoulder and rubbing small circles into her shoulder blades.

"And so you decided you had to call me instead of letting me have my day off?" She didn't really want to have this conversation right now, and with those little movements going on behind her back it was very easy to let her mind stray.

"Last time I checked, you and Castle were back on good terms, and now all of a sudden; after three years of absolutely nothing; you two go on a date?! I want an explanation right now"

Kate would've rolled her eyes at Lanie's insistent attitude, but she was a little distracted at the moment. Castle's seek to comfort her by rubbing small circles on her shoulder had grown into whole-handed massaging of her back. His fingers dug into her mid-back, along the line of the bra she wasn't wearing today. He found a spot that made her moan before she could think to trap the sound in her throat and the next thing she knew, Lanie was yelling even more.

"Lower your voice, Lanie, are you trying to deafen me?"

"Then explain what the hell that sound was I just heard?"

"It was nothing, calm down"

"Really? Because you're voice is beginning to sound a little funny"

Kate realised that she was incapable of concentrating on this conversation so long as Castle was working that magic on her shoulders and back. She held the phone over her shoulder and mumbled something about him talking to Lanie for her. Castle was hesitant at first, unsure if Kate really wanted Lanie to know they were together, but acquiesced to her request. Taking the phone from Kate's hand, he tucked the iPhone between his ear and shoulder so that he could continue to use both hands on Kate.

"Hi there, Lanie, how's your day going?"

"Castle? You're there? With Kate? What the hell is going on?"

"Oh nothing, I'm just giving Kate a little back massage that seems to have turned her brains to jelly." He couldn't help the rather cocky smile on his face when Kate moaned, agreeing with him.

"Why don't you tell me what has been going on?"

He tried to ask Kate without words if she was okay with that, but she just waved her hand mindlessly and turned around a little more to give him better access to her lower back and other shoulder. "Well, last night we ate dinner, we did a little dancing and then...we played a game of Twister"

"I'm sorry, you did what now? How the hell did you manage to convince Beckett to play Twister?"

"You'd be surprised, I can be very persuasive"

"Uh ha, I'm sure"

Kate was all but asleep when Castle noticed an alien sound over the phone. He thought it was a door opening, but when everything on the line went silent he couldn't be sure what it was.

"Lanie? Are you okay over there? One of your patients decide to get up for a walk or something?" He used his sense of humour to draw away from the concern he felt towards the M.E. curious as to her uncharacteristic silence.

"I gotta go, talk later." Was all she said before she hung up, leaving Castle even more worried as to her tone.

He decided he was just being silly and that Lanie could take care of herself, besides she was a medical examiner, not a cop, it wasn't like people pointed guns at her or threatened her or anything. What would be the point of that?

-x-

Lanie slipped her phone into her pocket, wondering whether or not she should make a silent call to Esposito or not. She stood next to an empty slab, staring unblinkingly at the man that had just casually strolled through the doors of her 'office'. Normally, there were people going back and forth all the time: other medical examiners, cops, family members here for identification, but this man didn't look like he was here for the dead, and although he had a badge and a gun, Lanie sure as hell didn't feel very safe with him.

"Who are you?" She asked quickly, wanting some answers.

He gave a smug grin, but, unlike the ones Castle usually portrayed, there was nothing charming about it. "My name is Detective Joe Brunswick. I'm Kate Beckett's new partner"

He held out his hand for her to shake, and while Lanie wasn't normally the skittish type around men, or any kind of people for that matter, she couldn't help the sinking feeling that if she reached out and gave him her hand, she wouldn't be getting it back.

"We don't have any current cases, so what are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd come down and meet the regular M.E. so that we can skip all that pleasantry stuff at our first crime scene together"

The way he said _'together'_ seemed as though he were implying that _they_ were partners, not he and Beckett. Like their first crime scene was some kind of first date. It didn't scare her, but she was definitely disturbed. No wonder Kate was taking the day off. Castle or no, great date or no, she was well within her rights to take a few days off to get away from this slime ball. The way he kept looking her up and down, and especially how much time he spent staring at her chest, it was gross and made her feel dirtier than after being elbow-deep in the intestines of a 400-pound alcoholic.

"Lanie Parish, nice to meet you. I would have preferred it if you came with Esposito or Ryan though, not used to getting visitors down here when I don't have any cases going"

He cocked his head to the side, his eyes narrowing at her; dark grey pools that seemed hollow and blank, like concrete or steel. There was nothing about him that was welcoming or friendly.

"Should I remember that for next time, or can I show up without invitation from now on?" There was a hint of suggestion there, as though he was trying to flirt with her. From what she had heard from the boys, this guy was anything but subtle when it came to his interests in Beckett, so why was he playing coy with her?

"The only time you'll need to be around here is when you're with the team, so no"

Lanie really wanted to end this conversation, she wanted to turn around and dismiss him, but she was...not afraid, she didn't get afraid, but she was certainly...nervous about turning her back on him.

"You should be a little more welcoming to new comers, I get that you guys all miss that Castle guy, but trust me, he isn't coming back. I'm here to stay, so get used to it"

He left on that note, leaving Lanie fighting a shiver. She really didn't like how he had ended that sentence and the very next thing she did was escape to the back room, lock the door and call Esposito.

"Yo, chicka, what's happening?" She savoured his good mood, as she knew it wasn't going to last much longer.

"I just got a visit from your new pet, Brunswick." She waited to hear his response to this before she told him the rest.

"What do you mean you got a visit from Brunswick? What the hell was he doing at the morgue? With you? Did he do anything? Lanie, did he try to hurt you?!" He was riling himself up pretty quickly, so she decided to cool his jets for the time being.

"He didn't lay a hand on me, Javi, and while he seemed to be friendly enough, I can't help but feel like I was just threatened somehow"

"Do you want me to come down? I can be there in 15 minutes"

"No, I'm fine, but I think it would be smart to keep an eye on him. He's up to something and I know both I and Beckett are gonna want to know what"

_**So Brunswick is more than just a horn-dog with terrible social skills, he does in fact have some kind of secret agenda, but can you guys guess what it is?**_


End file.
